~Thoughts and Visions~

KYA NAAM HAI

2011-02-28T02:42:00.001+09:00

So Akshay Joshi and I are traveling in the metro after yet another day filled with contradictions and agreements i.e. the hindi stage play practice.
This is a story about how it took us exactly 3 stations to decide the name of our play “Kya Baat Hai?”

Vishwavidalaya metro staion –
Akshay – Nima, hamare play ka kya hoga? Sab plays ban chuke hain abhi tak
Me- ( trying to be supportive but failing to do so) – arey hoga hoga sab hoga

Metro from Jahangeerpuri comes, hence over crowded with men who, at any given moment are ready to show their…. Lets’ just say “sexual prowess”, but we decide to get in anyway, coz let’s face it-I am a good girl and I get home before the sun sets ( straight face)

Akshay – yaar abhi tak play ka naam bhi decide nahin hua hai
Me- how about “Baatein?”
Akshay looks at me with a blank face and tries to be polite – err…. Bahut simple type nahin ho jayega, people usually do talk in most of the plays so……
Me- ( trying really hard I swear and trying to sound intelligent) – how about “Kuch baatein” ?
Akshay ( with a look of “that is so lame” ignores my suggestion and says ) – how about “keh bhi do?”
Random guy shoves me “accidentally” Akshay tries to give menacing look, I snarl and the guy moves away

Metro reaches Vidhan Sabha, nobody gets on or off…. It’s a cemetery of a station

Me –“ keh bhi do”??? it’s sounds more like a love story where this poor guy with a heart of gold is too scared to do “pyaar ka izaar” to some rich college girl!
Akshay ( wondering why do I imagine so much) – hmmmmmm
Me- ( now in the mood to irritate Akshay ) – “keh do na”
Akshay ( exasperated ) – yeh Yash Raj productions nahi hai
Me ( 2nd attempt to irritate him) – “kaho na kaho”
Akshay – ( now seriously wondering why the hell did he ask me to work with him on the play )Emraan hasmi ko promote nahi karma !

Metro stops at Civil Lines, much to Akshay’s disappointment no one from IP gets on to our wagon. Now both of us are ( seriously ) deep in thought

Akshay ( after a lot of thinking ) – “Kahin Unkahin Baatein” ?
Me – actually not bad.
Akshay- kuch aur sochte hain yaar
Me- ( getting my sudden spasm of anger at him) – oho kya baat hai yaar Akshay “Kahin Unkahin Baatein” mein kya problem hai….. sahi toh hai.
Akshay – Arey!!!!!! Kya Baat hai!
Me (still irritated) – KYA!!!! Kya baat hai matlab kya?
Akshay – Arey Arunima, play ka naam “Kya Baat Hai”
ME- ooooooohhhhh….. Sahi!!!
Akshay – toh done?
Me- Done !

Metro Reaches Kashmiri Gate, Joshi rushes out like a baby tornado. There is a stupid lopsided smile still stuck on my face over the conversation that just transpired, I suddenly realize there are a bunch of men staring at me rather curiously as if I am an alien species. I say “arey kay baat hai?” and make my long treacherous journey towards the women’s coach.

Levis Strauss vs Derrida: nature-culture debate

2011-01-27T01:03:00.002+09:00

Derrida is most celebrated as the principal exponent of deconstruction, a term he coined for the critical examination of the fundamental conceptual distinctions, or “oppositions,” inherent in Western philosophy since the time of the ancient Greeks. These oppositions are characteristically “binary” and “hierarchical,” involving a pair of terms in which one member of the pair is assumed to be primary or fundamental, the other secondary or derivative. Examples include nature and culture, speech and writing, mind and body, presence and absence, inside and outside, literal and metaphorical, intelligible and sensible, and form and meaning, among many others. To “deconstruct” an opposition is to explore the tensions and contradictions between the hierarchical ordering assumed or asserted in the text and other aspects of the text’s meaning, especially those that are indirect or implicit. Such an analysis shows that the opposition is not natural or necessary but a product, or “construction,” of the text itself. Some of Derrida’s early work was a critique of major structuralist thinkers such as Saussure, the anthropologist Claude Lévi-Strauss, and the intellectual historian and philosopher Michel Foucault. Derrida was thus seen, especially in the United States, as leading a movement beyond structuralism to “poststructuralism,” which was skeptical about the possibility of a general science of meaning.

Structuralism exists, claims Levi- Strauss in the shadow of Rousseau, to return man to nature, and deconstruction makes it debut as a challenge to structuralism, most specifically , the structural anthropology of Levi- Strauss. Derrida Dedicates “Of Grammatology” to critique of “the age of Rousseau”, age of anthropology, in which the concept, “Man” reaches its greatest power as an explanatory category. Structuralism in Derrida’s view only the latest phrase in Western logocentrism and his essay “Structure, Sign and play in the Discourse of the Human Sciences” attacks the notion of structure with which Levi Strauss hopes to reconcile nature and culture. . The central issue of disagreement according to Toben Seibers, between Derrida and Levi-Strauss is the explanatory status of the anthropological.
Derrida talks of decentering, which takes place when it is revealed that structures have been deprived of their centres and thus they cease to be structures -- in other words, when they, in a sense, get deconstructed. Ethnology, in Derrida's view, occupies a special place among the "human sciences" as it has “been born as a science only at the moment when a decentering had come about; at the moment when European culture -- and, in consequence, the history of metaphysics and of its concepts -- had been dislocated.” (86) He suggests that ethnology / ethnocentrism, like sign, is another point which is indestructible by the nature of metaphysics, as "the ethnologist accepts into is discourse the premises of ethnocentrism at the very moment when he denounces them." (86)

His suggestion is that the attempt throughout the history of philosophy to think about the relations of language, truth and reality is continually biased by the misguided oppositions between writing and speech, signifier and signified, the metaphorical and the literal, presence and absence, sense and intellect, nature and culture, or even male and female. For Derrida these dichotomies are set up not rationally, but with an implicit preference for one side or the other. Derrida asserts that “the opposition between nature and culture is congenital to philosophy … even older than Plato … passed on to us by a whole historical chain which opposes ‘nature’ to the law, to education, to art, to technics and also to liberty” ( Structure, Sign and Play )

Derrida uses the introduction of ethnology as a way to get to his main topic, which is Claude Levi- Strauss’structural view of the opposition between nature and culture. Strauss as a structuralist saw the basic structures of myth (and hence of all aspects of culture) as binary oppositions, pairs of ideas that gave each other value: light/dark ( light has value or meaning because it’s not darkness and vice versa), male/female, culture/nature, etc. in looking at the nature/culture dichotomy, Levi Strauss defines “natural” as that which is universal, and “cultural” as that which is dictated by the norms of a particular social organization. The rule of binary opposites is that the have to be opposites so nature/culture, or universal/specific, have to always be absolutely separate.

Working within the historical chain Strauss sees “incest prohibition” within kinship systems as an important anomaly , a “scandal” for it seems to participate both in nature ( that which is “universal and spontaneous, not depending on any particular culture or any determinate norm” ) and culture ( which depends “on a system of norms regulating society and is therefore capable of varying from one social structure to another” ) in incest prohibitions, Strauss discovers what he perceives to be scandalous contradiction, a violation of categories , a phenomenon both forbidden by nature and culture.

It is an element of social organization that belongs to BOTH categories. Derrida defines scandal as “something which no longer tolerates the nature/culture opposition he (Strauss) has accepted, something which simultaneously seems to require the predicates of nature and of culture. The prohibition against incest is universal – every culture has once. But it’s also specific – every culture works out the laws of incest prohibition in its own way. So how can something be both universal and particular, both nature and culture?

Derrida counters by pointing out that it is in this instance that the “limit of nature/culture opposition makes itself felt” he asserts “obviously there is no scandal except in the interior of a system of concepts sanctioning the difference between nature and culture” Levi- Strauss can be appalled by a scandalous exception of the nature/culture division only because he has accepted the prevalent division as somehow “given” instead of as historically constructed in the past and liable to reconstruction in the present. Nature, culture and the relation between them is defined and redefined throughout the human history.

“Let us assume therefore that everything universal in man derives from the order of nature and is characterized by spontaneity, that everything which is subject to a norm belongs to culture and presents the attributes of the relative and the particular. We then find ourselves confronted by a fact, or rather an ensemble of facts, which, in the light of the preceding definitions, is not far removed from a scandal: the prohibition of incest presents without the least equivocation, and indissolubly linked together, the two characteristics in which we recognized the contradictory attributes of two exclusive orders. The prohibition of incest constitutes a rule, but a rule, alone among of all the social rules, possesses at the same time a universal character.” (Structure, Sign and Play)

Derrida in his essay claims “by commencing his (Strauss) work with the factum of the incest prohibition, Levi- Straus thus places himself at the point at which this difference, which has always been assumed to be self, evident, finds itself erased or questioned. The incest prohibition is no longer a scandal one meets with or comes up against in the domain of traditional concepts; it is something which escapes these concepts and certainly precedes them.

This is the heart of deconstruction as it looks for binary pairs in oppositions- things that are supposed to stay neatly on their own side of a slash. Then they look for places, or examples, where something disrupts that neat slash-something that fits on both sides of the slash, or an opposition where there’s one thing on one side and more than one thing on another side. If the stability of a structure depends on these binary oppositions, if these are shaken and are made unstable, then the whole structure becomes unstable. Or, in Derrida’s terms, you put the elements into “play”

Play is the notion of break down of the centre where structure is deconstructed and the field is open to play. The play implies the liberty of interpretation and exercise of deconstruction

The culture/nature dichotomy that Derrida examines is not a remote, metaphysical conundrum; it has significant social implications. Eagleton observes that “it is one of the functions of ideology to ‘naturalize’ social reality, to make it seem as innocent and unchangeable as Nature itself. Ideology seeks to convert culture into nature” (Literary Theory)

When Derrida points out that there is no scandal except in the interior of a system which develops the concept of nature/culture opposition, this reveals a basic tenet of Derrida’s philosophy of criticism. First, one must identify the limits of the system, the items that initially seems to be outside the text because they do not fit into the framework presented by the text. Levi-Strauss did this when he presented incest. Second, Derrida recommends that the critique undertake a systematic questioning of the history of the concepts that incest seems to contradict. Levi-Strauss fails to take this second step, and instead he cobbles together his theory by asserting that incest is the link between nature and culture. Essentially, Levi-Strauss has found something which is outside of the usual nature/culture “text” and re-interpreted it by grafting it onto the previous structure. This movement is not radical enough for Derrida. It has recognized the need to eliminate the outside-text, but it has not found a robust way of doing so. Instead, Derrida argues that the fact that incest is impossible to define within the nature/culture opposition is indicative of a weakness in the system. It is not enough merely to ignore incest as an unimportant outlier or to try to graft it on to the current system. Rather, one must challenge the very concepts that constructed incest as an outlier. By not allowing for the existence of something which is truly outside of the text, Derrida forces the deconstruction of theories such as the nature/culture opposition Levi-Strauss presented us with.

Derrida in his essay claims that by showing where there is play in the system; one has two choices; “Once the limit of nature/culture opposition makes itself felt, one might want to question systematically and rigorously the history of these concepts. This is a first action.” (1st choice) the other option which he gives; “In order to avoid the possibly sterilizing effect of the first way, the other choice-which I feel corresponds more nearly to the way chosen by Levi-Strauss-consists in conserving in the field of empirical discovery all these old concepts, while at the same time exposing here and there their limits, treating them as tools which can still be of use. No longer is any truth-value attributed to them; there is a readiness to abandon them if necessary if other instruments should appear more useful. In the meantime, their relative efficacy is exploited, and they are employed to destroy the old machinery to which they belong and of which they themselves are pieces. Thus it is that the language of the human sciences criticizes itself.”
Thus, Levi-Strauss will always remain faithful to this double intention: to preserve as an instrument that whose truth-value he criticizes. Derrida claims “on the one hand, he will continue in effect to contest the value of the nature/culture opposition. More than thirteen years after the Elementary Structures, The Savage Mind faithfully echoes the text I have just quoted: "The opposition between nature and culture which I have previously insisted on seems today to offer a value which is above all methodological." And this methodological value is not affected by its "ontological" non-value "It would not be enough to have absorbed particular humanities into a general humanity; this first enterprise prepares the way for others . . . which belong to the natural and exact sciences: to reintegrate culture into nature, and finally, to reintegrate life into the totality of its physiochemical conditions."”

Derrida and Levi Strauss call the 2nd method “bricolage” and the person that does it a “bricoleur”. This is somebody who doesn’t care about the purity or stability of the system he/she uses, but rather uses what’s there to get a particular job done. The bricoleur, says Levi-Strauss, is someone who uses "the means at hand," that is, the instruments he finds at his disposition around him, those which are already there, which had not been especially conceived with an eye to the operation for which they are to be used and to which one tries by trial and error to adapt them, not hesitating to change them whenever it appears necessary, or to try several of them at once, even if their form and their origin are heterogeneous -- and so forth. There is therefore a critique of language in the form of bricolage, and it has even been possible to say that bricolage is the critical language itself. Bricolage is mythopoetic, not rational; it’s more like play than like system.
According to Madan Swaroop, theme of lost innocence is to be found in Levi-Strauss; Derrida argues that Levi Strauss regularly and symptomatically ends up privileging the state of nature over culture. He appears sentimental and nostalgic, trapped in a Rousseaustic dream of innocent and natural primitive societies. Beneath the guilt and nostalgia, endemic to the field of anthropology, lies a Western ethnocentrism masking itself as liberal and humane anti-ethnocentrism.
The phenomenon of finding a thing belonging to more than one category is hardly surprising to one who has ever tried to give formal definitions for, for example, sets of phonemes, lexical items or types of soil. If one aims at creating an all-inclusive pair of disjoint categories, the safest way of doing it would be to say: something is A if this and this, and B if it is not A. Lévi-Strauss' definitions, however, do not follow this pattern. They define both categories independently of the other. His belief that he created disjoint categories this way simply points to a hidden presupposition which turns out to be untrue.
He notes immediately that Levi-Strauss bases his whole argument on the opposition nature/culture, which, as Levi-Strauss himself discovers, is untenable. Although he admits that the opposition culture/nature can no longer be relied on as having any truth value, he nevertheless pursues his analysis in the hope that the terms nature and culture are, if not ontologically then methodologically valid, and can still be used as an instrument serving his purpose. In Derrida’s opinion, however, to exploit the relative efficacy of these terms in order to destroy the old machinery to which they belong and of which they are themselves pieces is by definition a self-defeating project.

As Derrida notices at once, Levi-Strauss begins as an empirical observer, but ends by accepting the possibility that his investigation may be no more than a myth. It is not immediately apparent then why Derrida should spend so much time on deconstructing a writer who has already deconstructed himself - stepped beyond traditional logic and empiricism, and moved into the realm of the mythic, or of interpretation. But myth, or interpretation, does not have the same epistemological status for Levi-Strauss as it has for Derrida. For Derrida, to be aware of the mythic status of interpretation, can only lead to a 'concern with the founding concepts and their deconstitution'9: it should have presumably lead Strauss to the point where he could only conclude that while using the opposition culture/nature he cannot say what he means, nor mean what he says. The contradictory and provisional status of the first principles renders the whole argument meaningless.
Lena Petrovic states that “It emerges finally that the sole point of the academic rigor, of perverse pedantry, with which Derrida exposes Strauss's quasi-scientific method is to invalidate his humanist content, to make an end once for all to all romantic endeavor to translate the old mythic stories of fall and redemption into new scenarios of hope. As an alternative to this structuralist thematic of broken immediacy, this negative, saddened, nostalgic, Rousseauistic, guilty humanism, Derrida recommends his own joyous anti-scientific anti-humanism. Forgetting that Nietzsche himself looked back to the ancient, pre-Socratic mythic traditions, and found in the reconciliation of the Dionysian and Apollonian principles, of nature and culture, the original wholeness and spiritual health which he applied as a criterion in judging modern decadence, Derrida calls his own affirmation Nietzschean, 'that is the affirmation of the play of the world and of the innocence of becoming, the affirmation of the world of signs without fault, without truth, and without origin…”

Finally one can say, for Derrida, an heir of the French Cartesian rationalism, the impossibility of objective, empirical truth is the impossibility of any truth. For Levi-Strauss, on the other hand, 'mythical reflection can reach brilliant unforeseen results on the intellectual plane'. Though not empirically true, myth for Levi- Strauss, as for Frye, is a container of human meaning, man's way of knowing the world and orienting himself in the world; and the fact that obviously there is more than one way of doing this invites, indeed necessitates, comparison.

Hence, in the essay Strauss makes a distinction between nature and culture and which Derrida refuses to accept due to the evidence of “the scandal”. This scandal is the inconsistency in the system which leads to “play” which allows the deconstruction of the system executed by Derrida where he makes the key point to his argument against Levi Strauss that “obviously there is no scandal except in the interior of a system of concepts sanctioning the difference between nature and culture” The real scandal is that nature had been presented by Levi Strauss and others as universally unchanging in spite of its always having been constructed and redefined by cultures

Bibliography
 Madan Swarup, An Introductory Guide to Post-Structuralism and Postmodernism
 Struture, Sign and Play in the Discourse of the Human Sciences – Jacques Derrida
 Of Grammatology By Jacques Derrida
 English studies/culture studies: Institutionalizing Dissent by Isaiah Smithson, Nancy Ruff
 Ethics in the Age of Rousseau: From Levi Strauss to Derrida – Tobin Seibers
 “Reading Guide to ‘Struture, Sign & Play in the Discourse of the Human Sciences” by Mary Klages
 Derrida and Deconstruction by John Phillips
 REMEMBERING AND DISMEMBERING: DERRIDA'S READING OF LEVI-STRAUSS – by Lena Petrovic, Faculty of Philosophy, Niš, Serbia and Montenegro
 http://www.change.freeuk.com/learning/socthink/levistrauss.html
 http://www.britannica.com/EBchecked/topic/158661/Jacques-Derrida
 http://www.postminart.org/csirmaz/?q=blog-derrida
 http://www.lrb.co.uk/v04/n03/david-hoy/deciding-derrida
 http://www.webpages.uidaho.edu/~sflores/KlagesPoststructuralism.html
 http://hydra.humanities.uci.edu/derrida/sign-play.html
 http://www.jstor.org/pss/2905479
 http://ocw.mit.edu/NR/rdonlyres/Literature/21L-451Spring2004/6D47E10C-91DF-4A23-88CC-FC40B376D181/0/agha_midterm.pdf
 http://facta.junis.ni.ac.rs/lal/lal2004/lal2004-08.pdf
 Remarks about Derrida's "Structure, Sign, and Play in the Discourse of the Human Sciences" - English 456: C20 Criticism and Theory -http://www.ajdrake.com/e456_spr_03/materials/authors/derrida_es.htm

An auto journey

2010-07-26T23:32:00.005+09:00

It's 7.30 in the evening and I just woke up. Guess why??? That's because I was stuck at our college's ECA drama trials and my god! one whole day i.e. literally 24 hours of bad acting has now depressed me!!
I got myself a RS 69/- worth of some fancy Snickers, that seems to be my only motivation to live apparently.

Yesterday I reached for the auditions at 1PM... know why?? Because I went shopping. Not so unusual. I Went shopping the day before too. And the last week, and the week before that. I need to stop.
Delhi is a pain when it comes to the auto rickshaws! However I can't help recalling an incident. One evening I was returning home from college. I got off at the Pragati Maidan Metro Station instead of the usual Rajiv or Patel Chowk, as my boyfriend had suggested me to do so as it was cheaper and faster. Anyway, as usual, my luck betrayed me; and there was not one auto who has ready to go to GK2 and those who were, were asking for frigging high fares. Finally I met an elderly Surd Auto driver, his rates were high but still acceptable, I was kinda running low on time and patience so I agreed upon the fare and sat in the auto.

So now this Auto uncle started chatting me up, he asked my name and what do I do and the sorts. One doesn't usually talk to auto drivers and the guy was overtly friendly and sweet and surprising he spoke impeccable English.Being a lone girl, I was on my guard initially and was a little cynical in my replies. But there was something in that old man that warmed my heart. His voice was so melancholy and gentle.
We kept chit chatting. And suddenly he said I resembled "someone" he had lost in his life. On normal circumstances I would considered it one of the most ridiculous pick up lines or just something which is plain creepy. However this time, call me emotional and plain stupid if you want to, I ...though I felt uncomfortable, I believed him. After talking for a few more minutes I figured the old man had lost someone who was young, now I couldn't make out if it was his daughter or grand daughter or the sorts. He told me the moment he saw me he wanted me to sit in his Auto. This time I really did freak out a bit. I thought maybe the poor dude is just plain crazy or is barking mad. But there did reflect a strange sense of honestly and truth, and it was impossible to ignore.
I made an extra effort to be nice to him, knowing, this in all probability is the last time I'll ever see him, and even if there is a slight possibility that he might be making all this up or is simply disturbed it was just an Auto ride after all. But frankly I was caught up in his words and I believed him, I tried to be unattached and indifferent but I couldn't help it.
We reached GK2 market, I hopped out and with a sorry face & offered him more money, he shook his head and refused it. he pulled me close and gave me a soft kiss on my head and wished me the best in my life, the second he let go off me I quickly started walking away and didn't look back, not because I was scared of him not because he had hugged me and kissed me but simply because people saw a poor rickshaw wala hugging a girl and I didn't want that to happen. I was embarrassed because some random people who barely matter to me would judge me and look at me. Being the self obsessed person that I am , this was one of the few times I was filled with rage and anger for myself. I couldn't believe that I acted in such a petty and ruthless manner. my treatment towards him was despicable.
You are entitled to your own opinions but I know that guy was one honest fellow, he was sentimental and vulnerable and I could have easily asked him to shut up but I didn't.
I know that guy remembers me just like I remember him and I am glad I met him.

Listen........

2010-07-25T15:50:00.000+09:00

Isn’t a lot already been written, said and read?
But my prose is yet to edify a path not tread.
My lyrics will unveil a tale unfold,
To reveal shades unseen and feelings untold.

Can you but conquer a language just by making a few words your own?
Or simply douse your hand to gauge the depth of the mighty ocean that the earths adorn…
Love is breathing life into gestured emotions that mere words fail to evince
Its Not bottling emotions within or giving the words a mince

Experiencing the joy of my Soulmate walking by
Even when the clock threats to run and minutes simply fly
Unearthing the latent virtues and those deep embryonic sighs.
Lifting our conjoined wings to reach enthralling highs.

Trying to Capture the tempest that jogs into a dervish whirl
Strings of my heart that I pull and hurl
Having found you my search ends but journey continues
A soulful lilt planted in my step as each moment renews…

re entry into the world of blogging!!

2010-07-25T03:19:00.002+09:00

its been so so long!!
this is actually the perfect irony of life!! 3 years back before i took admission in BA Hons English. i was a very avid blogger. after that i hardly got time or theinspiration to write anything. the "inspirations" and ideas were pretty much expressed in the class rooms and i found it unnecessary to repeat them here as such.
tonight i was going through my blogs and the comments. and i realized i did write some pretty decent stuff! i saw many grammatical flaws and i felt i could have expressed several thoughts in a more artistic and clear manner. but damn i felt nostalgic.
i am rambling again, i am typing... and i feel alive... "Me" it is a part of me.
my perspective, my thoughts have undergone a major transformation after my 3 years in college. and its high time i start writing again. writing. period.
anyway i am a graduate now... from Kirori Mal College, Delhi university. and now i am pursuing my masters from Hindu College, again DU. i actually had a post written about my dilemma about opting between NIFT Kolkata and KMC for english. and now when i look back i am glad i took the less glamorous option. this was probably the best decision ever.
my blogger friends and their comments makes me nostalgic still. lately i have been obsessed about Lionel Messi . mum's having arthritis problems :( . we got a new car! again had a couple of nasty relationship bumps!!
my nokia 5800 has a virus... which shuts down everytime i try to change the theme. rambling. got a new Argentina bag... STILL love to shop!!!
Kriti Sharma this is for you!!
Durjoy Datta congrats on being a best seller author. i am so proud to be your blogger pal.
Adi, Vasu, Ashish and the rest... wish to see you back again... criticizing me!!
Arundhati... thanks... your blog inspired me to write again :)

Of paths n walks

2009-05-06T14:37:00.001+09:00

I've just seen a few springs in my life
but have traveled many roads.
And not ones that were beaten and rife
But treading the path and choosing my way.

Regrets and remorse… yes I've had a few, who doesn’t?
but I still walked my way strong
Taking every defeat in my stride
Still walking the path with all the plume and pride

I bit more than I could chew
Asked questions whose answers I always knew
I have nursed a broken heart
Embraced pain when I had to reluctantly depart

I have run into the strangest of by lanes
and yet managed to find my way
There were times when I screeched at the tiniest of doubt
And then actually fought it all out.

I've it laughed till I cried
I have shed copious tears till I managed to pull a smile,
I've strangely loved and lost
And lost and found the same love again

I have been there done that,
and landed up right there back again
Tried to run away from myself the most but in vain
And always ended up bumping into me…yes again!

Jumped the tallest mountain falling to the zilch
and yet climbed it back again.
The blows and scars say it all
Bearing witness to the journey I have had.

The curtains are yet to fall
The tree is yet to shed its leaves
The stream is yet to bury its head in the rivers’s lap
Until then..I have time to live my dreams…

Ruptures

2009-05-06T14:09:00.002+09:00

A nomad through life’s labyrinth
Reminiscing the good ol’ memories
Holding a promise of everlasting remembrance
And waiting till Time ceases to exist

In the darkness of the night I search for you amongst the stars
And my heart leaps up in adoration too
My tempestuous mind swiftly flies away
Such strong is the desire to be near you

Like sparks of lightning we met
Strangers yet finding a common tune
Dreams woven together, blessed by the moonlit sky
Aren’t our lives all about love and being loved?

INTO THE MIST I SEE......

2008-10-11T22:33:00.000+09:00

a solitary sailor walks down a sandbank
the dry sand crumbles 'neath his feet
these sands, water they no longer drink
paint cracking and peeling off of boats and a sink
the sun upon the hot sand beats
a solitary tree lies, where it fell, at the bottom of the bank
an old beach house decays 'neath old dead oak trees
dry sea oats rustle in strong gusts of wind
a rotten shutter creaks in the cool breeze
old dry sea weed crackles and blows in the breeze
the sun falls towards the horizon
the wind bemoans its lost friend, the sea
the seaman on the tree trunk sits
a quiet fog upon the sand creeps
the burning sun on the horizon sets
the solitary sailor thinks of lost love, and regrets
the fog up to the log creeps
the fog inside itself, the seaman, lets
sun, to day's eyes is visible no longer
the fog transforms into a wave
wave washes from the shore
with it disappears the solitary sailor
the man, no longer sea's slave
stars appear and the sand turns silver

Time....

2008-09-28T22:59:00.002+09:00

The present is passing by,
As time does always fly,
This time I know will never come back,
'My Time'.... a thing that I always lack.
It's not that My time has been unfair,
But it's always in the Overdrive gear.
Still My time has been really kind,
It always gives two choices for my mind.
Either you fly along with time,
And keep up with the world's prime,
Or you can stay behind and wait,
For them to show you the Exit gate.
I chose the first and then I flew,
The consequences... I have no clue.
Just fly and fly and race the clock,
Till time follows you and says 'You Rock!'
Sometimes I wonder what I'll be,
An inspiration or a tragedy,
Whatever I will be, I will be,
But there's one thing that I clearly see,
That when this present becomes my past,
I'll look back at my journey, so vast,
And feel content that when I go,
'My Time' had been a beautiful show.

Caling myself....

2008-07-19T12:03:00.001+09:00

By the deserted banks of the silent river,
as the twilight touches up with the stars
and my absolute attendance is blurred to a reality,
more outlying and virtual ,
thoughts ‘bout the bygones and the times to come
rush to stampede my psyche.
And that lost eternity, that forgotten world,
still pregnant with emotions unbridled,
haul me like an ever engulfing quagmire.
Clutches and embraces me unyielding….
An embrace that I want to let go of ;
An embrace that incarcerates my own little hamlet
within this world.

This state of ceaseless ambivalence
never fails to play havoc in its own right.
I am wedged at two discrete paths, not even once treaded.
The sky is callously assiduous in its questioning…
The ground beneath these feet asks
if I even know the answers.
In the interim, time scribbles inexorably
on the pages of my life…..
like it does on the open books,
overlooking the text inside,
reducing my subsistence to that of an incongruous entity.

In an edgy craving for the story to unfold its meaning,
battling the violent inferno within never came easy.
All smothered as the prisoner of past,
the knight in me braves every vile bluster…..
but succumbs at the hands of the “fine player“.
Endeavors to gather itself again,
on its hemorrhaged feet…
just to end up falling on the scathed knees.

Time and again, it happened…
Time after time, it again would……..!!!
Yet, just a mere fact,
of being the perpetual warrior, confers the much requisite pulse,
makes up for the emotional paucity deep within,
and fills to brim, my tranquil depths !!

Regrets I’ve had a few, but very few to mention.
Promises I did make, to let the tears subside….
There is a door I have closed for the final time.
There is a mirror that has looked its last on me.
And like the uninhibited flowing river,
I would never cross the same path again !!!

Life comes a full circle, like always,
And I turn back, just to ponder….

If only,
I would’ve known that it’s alright to be myself.
If only,
I would’ve let my faith be bigger than my fears.
If only,
I would’ve been all ears to the soft whispers of the fathomless silence.
If only,
I would’ve heeded the fact that the past is gone and the future is not yet….

I know,
I would’ve breathed in life…..
And would’ve been madly alive !!!!

MISSION TAG

2008-07-10T12:59:00.003+09:00

Apparently i have a hell lot of tags pending....so without further ado..... lemme begin( this one is from happy-go-lucky):-

1. Last movie you saw in a theater?
Thoda pyaar thoda magic - okay okay... don't gimme the raised eyebrow look! I'm a big fan of Rani Mukerjee ... end of discussion and really apart from the terrible animation and dumbass cliche parts. it wasn't really that bad!!

2. What book are you reading?
" The Fourth Estate" by Jeffery Archer

3. Favorite board game?
"The game of Life" and I like this Harry Potter board game which is pretty similar to "Guess who?" and I'm really fond of scrabbles too.

4. Favorite magazine?
Cosmopolitan - i love it !! it covers everything you can imagine!

5. Favorite smells?
Err... Deo? i like aromatic scents and well.... smells that make my mouth water....!i somehow like the smell of petroleum

6. Favorite sounds?
Music.... what else????

7. Worst feeling in the world?
Humiliation

8. What is the first thing you think of when you wake up?
Open my eyes and check the time

9. Favorite fast food place?
KFC and Subway!..... yum!

10. Future child’s name?
Whoa!! I've never gave this a thought and have no intentions to either... I'll think about when i have one!

11. Finish this statement. “If I had lot of money I’d….?”
Shop ..lol

12. Do you drive fast?
Nope!

13. Do you sleep with a stuffed animal?
Sometimes, but i prefer a pillow on my side then a stuffed toy

14. Storms - cool or scary?
Depends but usually cool

15. What was your first car?
I don't have a car of my own as yet.

16. Favorite drink?
Guava, litchi, mausombi and mango juice

17. Finish this statement, “If I had the time I would….”?
Watch a hell lot of Hollywood flicks and read a lot of fiction!

18. Do you eat the stems on broccoli?
No....

19. If you could dye your hair any color, what would be your choice?
None... I totally love my black hair

20. Name all the different cities/towns you’ve lived in?
I have lived in numerous places but Delhi is where I'll always belong to no matter where i live!

21. Favorite sports to watch?
Cricket, football, Tennis

22. One nice thing about the person who sent this to you?
She's true to her name-happy-go-lucky!! really sweet and fun!

23. What’s under your bed?
My bed has chest of drawers beneath it... it's filled with text books!

24. Would you like to be born as yourself again?
Yup....okay!

25. Morning person, or night owl?
Morning person... i can't stand people who get up late....

26. Over easy, or sunny side up?
not a concern....

27. Favorite place to relax?
In front of my computer.... in my bedroom

28. Favorite pie?
Lemon n strawberry!

29.favorite ice cream flavor?
Fruits and nuts, choco chip, mango

30. Of all the people you tagged this to, who’s most likely to respond first?
Anyone interested is welcome to try out the tag. I think Jahnabi will respond the earliest to this one!

Done!

Death.....

2008-07-10T12:01:00.007+09:00

I wonder as I wander

Out under the sky

Why do people I care about

Always have to die?

Are you happy where you are,

Wherever that may be?

I wonder as I wander

Do you still think of me?

Is it nice up there in heaven?

For I know you made it there.

Are the clouds made out of marshmallows?

Do you know that I still care?

I look up at the winter sky,

And shed a single tear.

I think of all the days gone by,

I'll always hold you dear.

I wonder as I wander

Out under the sky

Why do people I care about

Always have to die?

2008-07-04T02:17:00.004+09:00

Life has no particular answers.
we just have to live it.
there are no reasons for certain things whatsoever.
some things are just meant to be.
do not question life, but only your own conscience.
believe in yourself.
there's so much about you to explore, so much more you know not.
love is just one aspect of life.
love is NOT life.
there are many elements life is bound with,
love being just a miniscule part of it.
there are things more beautiful, more painful, more humbling than love itself.
but love is a great teacher.
it teaches you to live life thoroughly, daringly,
infuses a sense of responsibility in your being.
it teaches you to smile insouciant and guileless.
it makes you learn things you never could imagine yourself doing.
it changes your life for the good...seldom for the worse.
well,its all up to how you interpret it.
you are what you choose to be.
you are not answerable to anyone but yourself.
live without fear, without fear of pain, without fear of losing someone close, without fear of death, live without fear of YOURSELF.
break free from the shackles of your own illusions and be yourself,
and adapt when need be.
but remember, its always better to leave some questions unanswered...
coz' LIFE HAS NO PARTICULAR ANSWERS...

LIFE??? OK...... LEMME THINK

2008-07-04T02:17:00.003+09:00

I wrote this post really long time back finally I'm publishing it.....yay!

life has no particular answers.
we just have to live it.
there are no reasons for certain things whatsoever.
some things are just meant to be.
do not question life, but only your own conscience.
believe in yourself.
there's so much about you to explore, so much more you know not.
love is just one aspect of life.
love is NOT life.
there are many elements life is bound with,
love being just a miniscule part of it.
there are things more beautiful, more painful, more humbling than love itself.
but love is a great teacher.
it teaches you to live life thoroughly, daringly,
infuses a sense of responsibility in your being.
it teaches you to smile insouciant and guileless.
it makes you learn things you never could imagine yourself doing.
it changes your life for the good...seldom for the worse.
well,its all up to how you interpret it.
you are what you choose to be.
you are not answerable to anyone but yourself.
live without fear, without fear of pain, without fear of losing someone close, without fear of death, live without fear of YOURSELF.
break free from the shackles of your own illusions and be yourself,
and adapt when need be.
but remember, its always better to leave some questions unanswered...
coz' LIFE HAS NO PARTICULAR ANSWERS...

iDREAM.....

2008-06-29T13:13:00.001+09:00

The day has drawn its curtains and called it quits,
The boisterous addressings have given way to the sound of silence,
The boastful exuberance of light has shown the white flag to evanescence of the dark,
And the beautiful loner up above basks in its eternal youth that fascinates the hearts and mind alike….

There I see an unknown realm, opening its wide chasm,
taking my hands to adorn it with golden handcuffs,
promising galore to satiate my quest for life.
I stand motionless, terrified inside,
with eyes wide open and groping for fair weathers.
These befooled eyes, which find the boulevards ahead , a way to ultimate enchantment!!

Standing at the threshold of life ahead,
Where fantasy becomes the inseparable twin of reality,
I hear the birds chirp.
I find the breeze caress tender,
and let my trembling feet show me the path that beckons.

Transitory, the world is, and so was this unknown ecstasy.
No sooner, the mystic realm transforms to
the closed walls of a rustic Dungeon.
Those fairytale bracelets morphing into unbreakable, unforgiving shackles.
The sunny boulevards, into the labyrinth that knows no end.
The birds are now the creatures of night.

Feet remained stranded on the roads,
from where there was no turning back.
Where emotions slumber deep,
and the very human existence is besieged by vain perplexities.
Where ambiguity is used to conceal the truth,
and the container holds more prestige than the content itself.

Yet, all that could be done was to move on……
In the wild goose chase of the life that holds a promise.
That never lets down its seeker,
and opens the world of rainbow hues,
to cut the monotony of black and white.

I dragged my feet,
to take the step ahead.
to go beyond the shadows of the past.
Towards the divine,
that seeks its ultimate manifestation in me.

I fall.
Lips parted enough to facilitate breathing in and out.
Lie abandoned,
with the chronic drain of all that is left in my mortal.

Just as the Grim Reaper sights my flesh,
and moves forward to embrace….
The slight opening of my eyes and lips proclaim ex cathedra

“my cross is my medal; my scars beautify me….
And I adorn them with sheer grace.
I’ve drank the wine from the purest fountain,
and seen the sun crossing the horizons.
If life is the opera of unseen,
then I’ am its proud mistress.
LET GO………….!!!
The light of the day hallows my name…!!!”

errr ok ... i know what your thinking.... i have intentionally used words from some popular songs to give sort of an effect... though i really dont know what effect i'm looking for!

I'LL LET YOU INTO A SECRET.....!

2008-06-26T13:31:00.003+09:00

SO it's time to spill out the bottled up secrets.....i now present you ladies and gentlemen - the most darkest secrets of my life... HA! you sure wish don't you!!!
so why am I in an all revealing mood today???? You'll probably think I'm high on Vodka again or something but hello! it's just 10'o'clock in the morning! so then????
okay I'll cut the crap.... I'm talking about "the 10 secrets" tag passed on to me by Kenny. so here we go again.....
1. I'm very very scared of heights.
2. Apparently in BCL you get various magazines which you can issue, there's one on Hollywood called Empire which I'm particularly found of. but its extremely difficult to get a copy which is not at least 8months to a year old and by the time you get it,its in rags and most of the pages are missing. it used to drive me mad but now for my own peace of mind i tear out anything related to Orlando Bloom or Shia LaBeouf or well something which i simply like...it gives me a lot of satisfaction and not to mention some really good pictures! i used to the same in school.... those days it used to be Brett lee
3. when i was a kid I used to hate my name!
4. When i was 6-7 or something I stole a Barbie from some girl's house, i got the biggest bashing of my life that day. and whenever I see that girl again she looks at me as if I've murdered her family or something.
5. i used to be pretty fat when i was in class 11th , since then i went into heavy dieting skipping 2 meals a day and surviving only on juices and dinner, cutting down on ice cream, coke, chips and anything oily and fried! it worked..... but one should never do it... coz once you go on a diet you can never get back to your normal routine again.
6. I really want to study in Europe and for some strange reason I wanna date a Greek or an Italian guy.
7. my friend asked me one day how women masturbate .... i made up some wild theory about using carrots and bananas ..... the truth is i have no idea how they do it either!
8. I'm a pretty good liar
9. good hair is something i totally dig for in guys.
10. Some grandfather of mine wanted to name me Lolita..... urrrrrgggghhhh!!

I'm done..... and that was quick...... anyone reading this is tagged and for now I'm gonna go have my breakfast!

IPOD FOR TAG!

2008-06-22T21:01:00.005+09:00

Just got back to Delhi, these out of station trips make you realize how much you miss and love your home! And seriously man DELHI ROCKS! Anyway I’m down with this awful viral thing, have two tags pending; one by Kenny and the other by Nidhi. For the time being I’ll start of with Nidhi’s tag as this one doesn’t require much apart from hitting the “NEXT” button on your ipod.

Anyway this is what you gotta do before you start of the tag :-

1. Put your MP3 player/media player on shuffle.
2. For each question, press the next button to get your answer.
3. You must write the name of the song no matter what.

( don’t be scared by the length of the post it’s mostly due to the few lines of lyrics I have penned down with my answers)

Okay so here we go…..

1. IF SOMEONE SAYS “IS THIS OKAY?” YOU SAY?

- Material Girl – Madonna

Some boys kiss me, some boys hug me. I think they're O.K.
You know that we are living in a material world. And I am a material girl

2. WHAT WOULD BEST DESCRIBE YOUR PERSONALITY?

- Without Love – From Hairspray the Musical

Once I was a selfish fool. Who never understood
I never looked inside myself. Though on the outside, i looked good!
Without love Life is like the seasons with No summer
without love Life is rock 'n' roll without A drummer
Tracy, I’ll be yours forever 'Cause 1 never wanna be
Without love …..Never set me free, Tracy, No, no, no!!

3. WHAT DO YOU LIKE IN A GUY/GIRL?

Rumors – Lindsay Lohan

Okay this tag is getting weirder very minute!

4. HOW DO YOU FEEL TODAY?

We are all in this together – High School Musical

I’m overwhelmed with the feeling of oneness and togetherness…. :p

5. WHAT IS THE PURPOSE OF YOUR LIFE?

- I can’t wait – Akon

(I can't wait) Sit down and talk for a minute
Go outside and take a walk for a minute
It's yooooouuuuuu and meeeeheeeeeemeeee

Lol this was kinda funny

6. WHAT IS YOUR MOTTO?

- Hero- Enrique Iglesias

I can be your hero baby. I can kiss away the pain
I will stand by you forever. You can take my breath away

If that’s my motto what kind of a person do you guys think I am?

7. WHAT DO YOUR FRIENDS THINK OF YOU?

- Doctor Jones – Aqua

Sometimes, the feeling is right. You fall in love for the first time
Heartbeat, and kisses so sweet. Summertime love in the moonlight

Ah-yippie-yi-yu. Ah-yippie-yi-yeah. Ah-yippie-yi-yu-ah
Baby, I am missing you. I want you by my side
You swept my feet right off the ground; you're the love I found
Doctor Jones, Jones, Calling Doctor Jones
Doctor Jones, Doctor Jones, Get up now (Wake up now)

This song is almost 12 to 13 years old. I love this track, and I suggest anyone who is reading this must listen to it, it’s so cute! I gave a solo performance on this track when I was in class 5^th … apparently I had included all the Macarena steps in it. However this song tells us nothing about what my friends think of me well perhaps apart from the “missing you” and “sweeping me off my feet” bit.

8. WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR PARENTS?

Butterfly – Japanese dance revolution

Ai yai i yai i, I'm your little butterfly,
Green, black and blue make the colors in the sky.

Hehe….. Cute!

9. WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT VERY OFTEN?

- BINGO!!!! -If we were a movie – Hannah Montana

 Not really a fan of Hannah Montana but I kinda like this song.

 If we were a movie. You'd be the right guy
And I'd be the best friend That you'll fall in love with
In the end We'd be laughin' Watchin' the sunset
Fade to black Show the names Play that happy song again.

Shia and me….. *sigh*

 10. WHAT IS 2+2?

- Rain – Norah Jones

The leaves are brown, came tumbling down, remember that September, in the rain
the sun went out just like a dying ember that September, in the rain

 This makes no sense whatsoever… though I doubt any song to this question would…

 11. WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR BEST FRIEND?

-Independent Women – Soundtrack from the movie Charlie’s Angels performed by Destiny’s Child

 This was spot on!!!

ll the women who are independent Throw your hands up at me
All the honeys who makin' money throw your hands up at me
All the mommas who profit dollas Throw your hands up at me
All the ladies who truly feel me Throw your hands up at me

12. WHAT DO YOU THINK OF THE PERSON YOU LIKE?

- Aaoge Jab Tum – Jab We Met
Wow!! Another one right on target!!! Couldn’t think of a better song myself!!!

Aaaaaaaaaaaa…aaaaaaaaaaaaaaa….aaa
Aaoge Jab Tum Saajna Angana phool khilege
Barsega saawan, barsega saawan
Jhoom Jhoom ke….Do dil aise milenge

13. WHAT IS YOUR LIFE STORY?

- Everyday – High School Musical 2

 Once in a lifetime means there’s no second chance
so I believe that you and me should grab it while we can
Make it last forever and never give it back
It’s our turn, and I’m loving` where we’re at
Because this moment’s really all we have

 Okay this is kinda true……

 14. WHAT DO YOU WANT TO BE WHEN YOU GROW UP?

- Dimelo – the Spanish version of the song “Do you know” (The Ping Pong song) by Enrique Iglesias

I’m kinda getting sick of the endless flow of lovey dovey songs now…

 15. WHAT DO YOU THINK WHEN YOU SEE THE PERSON YOU LIKE?

- Thode Badmash – Saawariya…

 Thode badmaash ho tum, thode naadaan ho tum
Haan magar yeh sach hai hamaari jaan ho tum

 So true!!!

 16. WHAT DO YOUR PARENTS THINK OF YOU?

- Together forever – Soundtrack from the movie My Best Friend’s Wedding

Forever, and ever, you'll stay in my heart, and I'll love you
Forever, and ever, we never will part, oh I love you
Together, forever, that's how it must be
Living without you Would only mean heartbreak for me...

 This was so cute and it’s so damn true. This is by far the best answer till now!

 17. WHAT WILL YOU DANCE TO AT YOUR WEDDING?

- Crank that – Soulja Boy

Aha!! Rap!! Not bad! Something unconventional is always welcome!!

 Soulja Boy Off In This Hoe
Watch me Crank It Watch me Roll…..

 18. WHAT WILL THEY PLAY AT YOUR FUNERAL?

- Shut up and Drive – Rihanna

when you're ready let me know. Come on and what you’re waiting for 
My engine's ready to explode. So start me up and watch me go…

 Hehe ridiculously funny!

 19. WHAT IS YOUR HOBBY/INTEREST?

-Boulevard of Broken Dreams – Green Day

 I walk a lonely road. The only one that I have ever known
Don't know where it goes. But it's home to me and I walk alone
I walk this empty street. On the Boulevard of Broken Dreams
Where the city sleeps. and I'm the only one and I walk alone

 Yea this kinda fits me I’m usually the odd one out, the loner, the weirdo, I do things my way, but it isn’t really my hobby or interest … it’s just the way I am I guess.

 20. WHAT IS YOUR BIGGEST SECRET?

Wannabe – Spice girls

If you want my future forget my past, If you wanna get with me better make it fast…
Yo, I'll tell you what I want, what I really really want,
So tell me what you want, what you really really want,

You heard it; “forget my past” no intentions of revealing secrets….

21. WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR FRIENDS?

You give love a bad name – Bon Jovi

Shot through the heart .And you're to blame
You give love a bad name
I play my part and you play your game
You give love a bad name

Awesome song though none of my friends can be described in such terms.

22. WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOURSELF?

In Dreams – Soundtrack from the movie Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring

When the cold of Winter comes. Starless night will cover the day
In the veiling of the sun. We will walk in bitter rain
But in dreams. I can hear your name
And in dreams. We will meet again
When the seas and mountains fall
And we come to end of days
In the dark I hear a call
Calling me there.I will go there
And back again

One of my favorite songs to end the tag with…. I am a dreamer and I live more in fantasy and fiction then in reality otherwise I don’t think I can survive!

Anyone interested is welcome to do the tag! It’s a hell lot of fun and absolutely no work!

BE KIND, REWIND!

2008-06-15T11:43:00.003+09:00

20.... 20 years and 4 days old..... hmmmm so i guess it wasn't that creepy after all.... and I took it pretty well you see....like an adult..... go me!! duh!
no don't worry this post ain't gonna be about post-birthday worries or woes!
Okay... so my birthday was kinda blurred, I mean meeting up with so many people, carrying on a plastered smile on your face all day long, attending calls, getting robbed of your previous money( it was so much better when we were kids and we got so many presents without even bothering to lift a finger and still get the first and biggest piece of cake) anyway you get the picture coz that's something which happens to all of you I guess!...so in the end you look less like the lucky one and more like an orc.
However something really heartfelt happened that day,that was the highlight of the day..... it was so small a thing and yet so significant..... BUT I'm not gonna write about that either, well not today... coz i need to gather my thoughts and put them in the precise order i want them to be,which is going to be tough and time consuming and since i have to go for a haircut.... it will have to wait......
So what i really want to write about is that...... LIFE IS TOUGH, STUPID AND DOWNRIGHT MEAN TO US!
It takes up all our freaking time, we don't even get a break on the weekends... think about it.... am I right or what?
And..... HOLLAA!!! What is the spectacular thing we get in the end? for living up life huh???
DEATH.... A great reward????? well deserved .... the ultimatum???? well no dude i think not!
So to make things easier and acceptable... the circle of life should go backwards, rewind!
To start with, we should die first and be done with it.... get it out of the way.
We live twenty or so years in an old-age home and then we get thrown out when we're too young.
We get some suits, a vintage watch and we go to work .....
We work for like forty years till the day we are young enough to enjoy our retirement ( not given enough thoughts to the salary curve as yet.....so you go figure)
We go to college, we party untill we are ready for high school....
Then we become a little kid, we play and we have no responsibilities,
We become a little boy or girl, and go back into the womb
then spend our last nine months floating
And finally we finish off as a gleam in someone's eye.....!

Ramblings.....

2008-06-06T20:02:00.002+09:00

I am turning 20….. kinda big deal huh? Now I am OFFICIALLY old!!

Just a few more days to go before I turn twenty!! Hmmmm… ok I think I should be feeling kinda sad or bitter about that am no longer a teenager, in fact am trying to make myself feel like that, I mean what the fuck is wrong with me? I don’t I feel depressed that I’m like “old” now! Maybe it’s too much of a shock or maybe I’ll get the full impact of it when I actually turn 20 on 11^th. Is it gonna look weird when I’ll go down to buy teen magazines, and wiki for teen pop idols, and dig for teen trends????

This is so weird! Maybe it’s not a big deal at all…. I mean whatever … my thoughts my habits my nature won’t change over night…so probably that’s the reason I really don’t feel anything about turning twenty. I mean it’s only just a number isn’t it?

Have you people seen the movie – The 40 Year Old Virgin…so well technically am half way there! Okay please it’s not that I am desperate for sex and shit but you know ….20 is like old, like an adult who are responsible and rational and sensible…. Err I am none of those really, why is it so hard to act like a grown up! I just don’t get it most of my friends have maturity level way beyond my freaking age! Creepy!

My teenage life has been normal as well as not so normal…… so is everyone else’s right?

When I think of my teen years ….. there are certain things that always come into my mind starting from education to crushes to family crises and all…. Things which had an impact on my life so far… to name a few are-

Harry Potter – I literary grew up with Harry Potter …. Spent 10 years with him… starting from age 10 to 17!

The book – Emperor’s new clothes – this is how I took up my interest in books, this was the first book I ever read for just reading… this was way beyond my teenage age though …probably when I was 6

Celebrity crushes – My God I had like so many of them, the biggest one was Brett Lee (the Aussie fast bowler) I still have over 20,000 pictures of his tucked in my drawers and in my computer, I remember the day when he came to CP for the launch of New Balance shoes n I cried like a mad bitch coz even though I was right in front the security wouldn’t let me get into the showroom and Brett saw me and signaled them to let me in …. That was so freaking awesome! Then lately it’s been Orlando, Michael Cera, and Shia Labeouf….oh Shia and I share the same birthday too! Yay!!!

School and college – I have been to a number of schools and shockingly have been a part of number of colleges too! …. My school life was shitty, especially the last two years, that school had dumbfucks for students and it was almost next to zero in terms of ECA you don’t know sometimes how badly I regretted going there…. But then I did earn a couple great friends like Adi and Vasu. St. George’s was kinda all right! So was ASH and SP. In KMC I seriously love my teachers more than my friends most of the times …god they are like so cool!

Extra curriculum – Apart from dance I feel glad that I am good in a lot of arty stuff and have devoted a reasonable amount of time to them; music (piano/sync) is in my blood, I was a decent artist during mid school, but had to give that up coz of studies and I really wanted to concentrate on music, probably it’s all coz all my cousins on my mother’s side are fantastic in painting and sketching and music! And for the last couple of years I have been I tried my hand at acting I think I did fairly all right and am looking forward to do better.

Sports- I am an average TT and baddy player and my swimming is quite acceptable but that’s it! I suck at sports and it’s so frustrating at times!

Daydreaming, imagination and downright nonsense – you have no idea how many times I married Orlando, I invented this character called Luthien (yea that’s my “Elfish” name) and she’s a witch, and she’s a part of the fellowship of the ring and then she and Legolas fall in love and she has this spear like wand, and she blasts of the chunks of boulders with it during the war at Minas Tirith and she has this really cool saber…. Ok you get the point … oh and then in Harry Potter, they are not 3 best friends but four … you can guess… these days I have been making out a lot with Shia with a lot of Richard Marx, Shania twain and err rage against the machine playing on my ipod(in case you don’t know who he is …. He’s the guy in transformers, Indiana Jones and Disturbia) … well I can afford to be promiscuous in my dreams at least!

Boyfriends- I have learned something important I have ghastly taste in men, and I have made terrible misjudgments and my crushes…. Uuurrrhhh once I came to really know them I thanked god I never went out with them and with the ones I did….. I am like… shit what was I thinking… Anyway it was a learning experience … am not gonna say am hard or tough or whatever it’s just that I can’t be one of those who lets anyone run all over me and I simply can’t nurture a male ego no matter how crucial it’s to them! But things seem to be doing pretty well now….

Another thing which I have learned is my mum instincts are always right; she was always right about my friends …. My god I hate to admit it to her!

All these years I never had a lot of friends… I mean yea there a number of them for just namesake, the few friends I had/have were really amazing and loyal! And really believe friends are gods’ way for apologizing for a bunch of horrible relatives! And yea am happy to say I am in touch (whatever little it might be) most of them!

Material girl- I am materialistic, and I am not ashamed, non living things are more faithful to me and they tend to last longer and are easily gettable!

Fashion – no don’t worry I am not gonna start on it all over again….you people had too much of it all ready!

The most important thing I have realized this that live in the present and act accordingly, I see people around me (people of my age and elder to me alike) worry a hell lot about the future, and they do a lot of things thinking about the future which affects their present. I mean yea I agree “looking ahead” is important but c’mon don’t lose what you have right now.

I learned; do what you really want to do, it is really important not to get affected by what people around you think, do or what they want from you. Follow your instincts even though the road you might be taking is long and hard but at least you’ll have the satisfaction that you are doing truly what you always wanted to do and you didn’t end up like the rest- zillion stuck up in something just coz that’s the hot new thing or that’s something which guaranties a so called “secured future” it’s a lot of bullshit really!

So over all my score ain’t really that bad …. I guess….. I hope!

Oh…..Well, I just bought this life size teddy and named it Orli “The Tipsy” Bear. He is so damn cute and huggable!

Hmmm I have all my second year books stocked up but I haven’t finished half of them… really depressing!

I think I’ll go read one of them now….cya!

SOMEDAY......

2008-05-31T01:58:00.000+09:00

This time, the pulse goes a lil' faster...
Breath, a wee bit deeper,a sigh so prolonged...
an embrace, dwelling in the ocean of emptiness !!
For, the eyes close the window to the world for the soul to shine,
as the clock conspires to turn back time .

Well said, that the moon raises tides,
for it does no less than the same to my mortal.
The tides, otherwise, so lost deepin the frozen womb of sea of emotions.
The tides, which sail the boat to the shore,
now encompass the harbour in the tempest !!
The night stands upright and look into my eyes
to prod deep in the heart.
I seek answers to my blood,
knowing well that the questions themselves lack definition !!
I think , I search,
I lookout for, and I finally find.....
just to end up knowing
that this is not what I had to lay my hands on,
that the questions have long been changed !!!

Songs play in my mind, in ears alike.
A placid exterior shelters turbulent notions,
for, the flesh may have ripened,
yet the rawness of spirit remains !!
For, the walls may close in even in the heavenly cradle of free air.
Letting go seems tough, holding on is even more wretched,
for, like a weed in me, it grows !!

The light of the day lures me, bribes me,
to a fantasy, the truth of whose longevity is undisputed ,
for in my eyes, rests the dream that belongs to someone else.
But I dance to the tunes of chimes
for I see no illusion,
but a falling star to make a wish upon...
a songbird in the desserted desert.
This mirage would soon fade away,
the heart of my heart knows,
leaving nothing to quench the eternal thirst with.
Yet the trance remains,
and the beauty is all consuming as I lose myself !!

The dawn has not knocked yet....
the sun sleeps still in the clouds.
The last storke of night's moonbeam
whispers its last message before it bids adieu
" nothing is what it seems...
not waxing and waning, but the stillness and everlastingness of the past prevails ..."

In the silence of the rustling leaves
I listen to the rains,and wonder,
should I forget the past
and open my eyes to the beauty and smiles?
Should I kiss the bygones goodbye for what they were
and embrace the moments for what they are ??

In my solitude, I hear vibrant echos.
I hear the truth,and I hear it loud and clear...
for, it pronounces -
"Keep the Phoenix hope alive,
the ashes would soon spring the new embodiment !!"

Repeating history again......

2008-05-19T13:21:00.000+09:00

( WARNING: this is going to be one of the typical stories and somewhat falls in the confessions-of-a-drama-queen genre ....so anyway don't kill me and i was trying to give out a message (again which might be a pretty obvious one)... err okay i dunno what to say next.... )

I think of myself as an intelligent, sensitive human being with the soul of a clown, which always forced me to blow it at the most important moments

Jim Morrison.

What was I thinking? Why couldn’t I have left well enough alone? Stupid, stupid, Valentine’s Day. I had to write that dumb poem, and I had to go and put it in Evan’s locker. Why do they have those vents on lockers anyway? What needs to breathe in your locker? I don’t keep puppies in my locker, and I don’t know anyone who does. And my text books are just as stale as ever, with or without ventilation, air….blah blah!

But they HAVE TO put those vents on, just big enough to stick a stupid valentine with a stupid poem inside.

It all started at the beginning of last year history class. I was walking into the class with my friend Belle, minding my own business, talking about some play in some place that we both watched the night before, when I saw something bright out of the corner of my eye. I looked over. Actually it wasn’t a bright spot at all, but a head of brilliant jet black hair. Beneath that hair were two amazing, beautiful green eyes. I didn’t know it then, but that moment was the beginning of the end for my chance of a good grade in history.

I spent the next twelve weeks staring at the pretty head (or at least the back of it). Seating was alphabetical, but I was fortunate enough to be two rows back and four rows seats over from Evan so that if I stretched my neck in just the right way, I could see that head. When the bell rang, I would try to get up at just the right time so that I could bump into him or catch his glance as he left the room. I’m sure Mr. H… whatever, our teacher, must have given his lecture everyday, but all I can remember is something-something happened, and some guy killed some other guy for some chick…..oh ok no….that’s probably from CSI: Miami .

We broke for the holidays, and all I could think about was Evan. I would go play video games or hang out at the malls and hope to see him. Surely Evan shopped at Gas and Puma or well some great store. Maybe I’d see him there. I think I once heard him say he liked movies maybe I’d catch him at the movie theater. I saw a guy at the mall that I thought I once saw him talking to Evan in the halls so I followed him around for about twenty minutes, but it turned out he was with his mom and he looked at me like I was a little creepy, so I gave it up.

So anyway, the next semester started. Evan never made his move, and so I somehow decided it was a good idea to write a stupid poem and put it in Evan’s locker, through those evil vents. I knew when Evan’s next class got out, and I decided to sneak out of my class early and position myself at the wall around the corner from his locker before he did. My plan worked, and I was there in time to see Evan open his locker. The bright red envelope came flying out and nearly poked him in the eye. It hit the ground, and Tyler picked it up.

“What’s this?” he asked. “Did someone send you a valentine? Who’s your girlfriend?” Evan’s friends suddenly gathered around .Tyler opened the envelope and began to read my poem.

Dear Evan,

You may not know much about me

So I’m sending you this little plea

Today is Valentine’s Day

And have something to say

I have admired you from afar

I wish I had a car

So we could go out on a date

To the movies or maybe to roller skate

Because I think you are cool

The best in our dumb school

So please hear what I have to say

It’s really important, okay?

The words resonated in my head, each one striking me with the force of a sedge hammer. And there was my name in the bottom of the page- for all the world to see! What was I thinking? Everyone laughed. The force of their laughter caused me to move, ever so slightly someone noticed me. I had nowhere to run and had to walk past them all on my way to my next class: History. They saw me.

“Look Evan, it’s your girlfriend” “why don’t you give him a big kiss? “Hey superweeb, come over here and give your boyfriend a big old kiss”

Tyler grabbed my arm and tried to shove me towards Evan. He turned away with the look as though someone has just shoved dog poop in his face. I think I turned a new color of red that’s not even available in the Camel 64 box of crayons. All I could hear was the laughing. Other kids started coming over to see what was so funny, and Tyler handed over the card so they could pass it around. I tried to move, but Tyler had a firm grip on my arm. How could this possibly get any worse?

I looked for Evan for some support, some sign that he wasn’t a part of this ugly mob. But his expression had changed from disgust to laughter, too. He had joined in with the rest. This was clearly the single worst event of my entire life.

If I was distracted in history before, now multiply that by ten. I couldn’t even look at the back of Evan’s head because everyone was looking at me to see if I was looking at the back of Evan’s head. I could only wallow in self-pity. The whole rest of the year was I was either Evan’s girlfriend or superweeb. Everyone forgot my name.

That day, I went home and tried to hide under the covers of my bed. My mother came in and asked what was wrong. I couldn’t possibly tell her. But I had to tell someone.

She eventually managed to get the story out of me. I told her everything – about Evan, the black hair, the eyes, the attempts to accidentally bump into him, and finally, the evil locker slots and how they forced me put that card with the poem inside.

She just looked at me and smiled. She smiled. She didn’t laugh, she didn’t cry. She didn’t pat me on the back and tell me everything was going to be okay. She didn’t try to turn the whole experience into some kind of lesson. She didn’t scold me, and she didn’t compliment me. She just smiled.

At first I thought maybe she is possessed, or maybe she had been cooking with wine again. But then she took my hand and asked me a question: “if you could go back and do it again, what would you have done differently?”

I thought about it. I could not have stared at Evan’s big dark head. I could have not tried to bump into him I could have not put that card in his locker. Sure, I could have avoided the ugly mess, and people would still remember my first name.

“And so then where would you be?” my mom asked. I’d be a happy, anonymous student. “Is that how you think of yourself” she asked. How did I think of myself? Right then, I didn’t think much of myself. I felt like a big loser. She must have known.

“You aren’t a loser. How do think any girl ever got to meet any boy? By hiding in a corner? By letting boys like Tyler decide who you can like and who you can’t? In my opinion this is Evan’s big loss. I think your poem is sweet.”

She said all that because that’s what mothers are supposed to say. I knew that. And I still felt bad, but I started to see things from her point of view. How could I have not taken the chance? In that moment when I put the card in Evan’s locker I felt brave and adventurous and strong. How dare they laugh at me? I had dared to take my shot.

That moment didn’t last very long because the next day I got my report card, and it turned out I failed history. So now I have to go for extra classes, a sort of summer routine. But it’s okay, because there’s this new guy, who just transferred in and he has to go to summer classes, too, and you should see the back of his head……

Ps: people this story is a work of fiction, I can never fail in history, even if Orlando Bloom is in my class….duh!

BACK TO TAG 2

2008-05-12T14:29:00.001+09:00

Yello again…. Uh no… actually just Yello! Waise tho this is the 2nd tag am posting today but then you people will probably read this one before the formal one… so then “Hi” …… god so much for technicality. So I was trying to watch Superbad but there’s something wrong with the blasted DVD and just couldn’t get it started and now am feeling mad and irritated and tearful. Fuck! So vent it out I decided to do finish reading a book and well that wasn’t enough so I decided to do the next tag. Once again this is by Nishi…. Yea people she double tagged me (if there is such a thing called double tag in the first place)

Four schools/colleges/jobs I’ve been at in my life:
I have been to a hell number of schools and as well as colleges… technically I have been a part of 3 colleges (Hansraj, NIFT n finally KMC) weird huh??? Please DON’T entertain crazy ideas I didn’t get expelled… let’s just call it a classic case of the confused mind. So basically am gonna jot down the names which actually made a difference to me
1. South Point Calcutta (I spent some part of junior high here) - I learned what true friendship meant over there and for the first time in my life my made some really amazing friends and yea ( this might be a loserish thing to say) that was the only time I topped in every damn thing… err excluding physical education perhaps
2. KMC - it wasn’t, it isn’t and it never can be a perfect world, but last year KM changed my life a lot, I understood the notion of self-worth , it changed me, it made me depressed and claustrophobic but it made me happy too, I might say I sometimes felt a kind of happiness which I may not have felt before!
3. Greenpeace - I have been an intern for the more than a year now ( it’s different from being a member ) , you are assigned certain jobs , it might meet seem insignificant and trivial and not to mention a lot of mindless work…. But ultimately it’s for a good cause and this one of the reasons which kept me so busy for like so long!
4. Hmmm ok…. I don’t wanna put down any other name, coz I don’t see anything significance about them ….. Ok I guess Hansraj is a great place to be but my course made it a somewhat miserable place

Four TV shows I love to watch:
1. I’ll be there for you…. Coz you were there for me too…..F.R.I.E.N.D.S!!
2. Arrested development - Two words - Michael Cera! One tree hill (this time 3 words Chad Michael Murray- boy this guy is determined to ruin his life or what!), Scrubs, eight simple rules, my wife and kids… Ahh well quite a number of stuff on star world and AXN….sorry I had to compile them in one single point
3. E Buzz, E News …. Now how says am not up-to-date :p
4. A number of reality shows on AXN like The Amazing Race, So You Think You Can Dance, American Idol and yea I like “The Suite Life of Zach and Cody” on Disney ( Hannah Montana is such a pain…. I mean really get a life people! )

Four movies I can watch over and over:
This is like an ever-changing category for me… so it might end up as an a list of movies which I would love to watch over and over for the time being
1. The Lord of the Rings Trilogy - no words can describe my love for this series :p
2. The Harry Potter Series - this was so OBVIOUS!
3. The Pirates of the Caribbean Series - "So, this is the path you've chosen, is it? After all, he is a blacksmith."….. "No. He's a pirate.”
"One day on land and ten years at sea. It's a high price for what's been done."- Bootstrap Bill Turner (Will’s dad)
"Depends on the one day." - Will Turner
Ahh whatever… I love pirates, savvy? *winkwink*
4. Satyajit Ray films - it’s like water and bread for any movie lover! The art of film making refined up to unimaginable heights.

Four books I liked the most (read in recent times):
I already wrote about this in the previous blog … so m just gonna quickly mention them

1. To kill a mocking bird ( Harper Lee )
2. As you like it ( William Shakespeare )
3. First impressions ( Jeffery Archer )
4. Shopaholic and baby (Sophie Kinsella) - I just finished this one before I started with this post.

Four places I have been on holiday (in the last couple of years):
1. Goa - the resort, the food and the sea…. Pure bliss
2. Mumbai - it was a trip with my college theatre group to IIT - Bombay
3. Lucknow - Have got some really sweet tempered cousins, aunts and uncles and god knows who all living there
4. Calcutta - Actually am going on a wedding this June, and am really looking forward to going back to that place after so many years.

Four of my favorite dishes:
1. I love sea food; prawns, lobsters, crabs and shrimps and can’t live without fish. My favorite fish dish is “surso batta diye Ilish maajh” (I can’t translate this…maajh means fish and Ilish is one of the kinds)
2. Momos, sandwiches and burgers….. this is the usual stuff I which I eat a lot, and I don’t really consider it as junk food if you add in it the right type of stuff like loads of veggies and less mayonnaise
3. Mum ke haath ka khana :p- Aloo Baja (French fries), moong ki dal with rice and hot katti role (a mega mix of mutton/chicken kebabs eggs and veggies wrapped in a roti….yum!), Kashmiri pulao and egg fried rice
4. Anything to d with Chocolates! *drools…drools a bit more* *looks like a pig*

Four websites I visit daily:
this is hard so am coupling them in terms of similarity and comparatively or simply for the heck of it
1. Google, Wikipedia, Greenpeace
2. A hell lot of fan/ celebrity sites
3. Iconator , Mobile9 ( for mobile related stuff like themes, softwares n shit) , YouTube, BigFish
4. Mininova, Isohunt, Orkut and Blogger

Four places I would rather be right now:
1. In bed, sleeping ... blasted Microsoft Word it’s such a pain sometimes or/before that- In shower - my t-shirt feels like a steel corset right now plus my room is boiling hot….. sooner or later am gonna melt away
2. Spending D-ONE Day with Will turner{ that would mean Orlando ( refer to the 3rd point in “ 4 favorite movies section)} on second thoughts Michael Cera would do just as well and though am extremely busy am happy to give more than a day to them if they want. Go me!
3. Shopping
4. Anywhere in Europe ….how about on a gondola in Venice?

Four people I am tagging
To make things easier am tagging everyone whom I have tagged in the former post… anyway once again as I always said; anyone interested is welcome to do it!

*yawn* goodnight!

BACK TO TAG -1

2008-05-12T14:08:00.006+09:00

Ahh the old days are back! What I mean is …… tag days are back!!!!! Ohh yeeeaaa! Now we are talking!! So I have been tagged by Nishi. And am gonna cut the blabbering and start of with it straight away ( all of a sudden am having a dying urge to watch Superbad all over gain)

Eight things I’m passionate about:-

Food – I may not look like one but I’m a big-time foodie. though a hardcore non-veg lover I love food of all sorts, from kebabs to sea food, lasagna to burgers and pizzas, cakes and candies, from the oily bhature to 2 minute Maggi, the roadside “chuski” to crème Brule ….. Ahh heaven!!
Shopping- I am mad about shopping ….. I can go on and on till I drop dead…. Or err… until I’m out of cash…. The latter o’course is usually the case. When I say I love to shop it automatically means I love clothes, shoes, accessories, cute notebooks, backpacks (I hate the designer/ladies bags), stuffed animals… ok basically I like everything. I’m very optimistic actually
Books – I think it’s really important for one’s overall development; they are your best friends who never leave your side. They transport to you a new world (am more of a fiction fan), help you reestablish your intellectuality, they challenge you, they make you laugh and cry, they are like your mentor….. each book I have read, in some way has become a part of me and I owe a lot to them
Music and Movies (Hollywood, as we all know Bollywood sucks and it’s getting worse day by day) – I love music like zillion others in the tiny little world. They play quite a similar role like the books ( sometimes I really have to rack my brains to understand the lyrics of some rock songs and then wonder why would someone sing about such things in order to make a song) and I feel blessed and proud that I can play the sync quite well ( high time that I flatter myself) and as for movies, it’s been a recent craze I keep downloading and watching whatever new movies I come across, thank god for the unlimited internet access , but the speed is snail like which drives me crazy and makes me download even more in order to make the most out of the lousy speed.
Nature – I am a member of the Greenpeace organization. We need to realize urgently that nature needs us just the way we need it.
The poor, the hungry, and the deprived – how can anybody ignore them? Most of us are religious, we may pray, go to a place of worship, spent money on pujas and rituals, and yet we turn a blind eye on a limbless beggar or a naked boy on the road in the December cold. We say it’s there “strategies” and they should work? But who would want o give these dirty, disease injected people any sort of employment, would you? It’s okay to spend. I do that a lot but it’s important to help those who really need it. We must remember that they are after all our own countrymen and most importantly they are humans.
Writing- I love to write though I don’t that often, but when I do I put my heart into it. I don’t have any particular reasons about why I write… I just…. Write.
My course – English Hons…. I don’t care if you call me a nerd, I actually love being one. Who says fire is my true element??? English is!

Theatre (drama), sketching and chocolates are among the few things worth mentioning in my Thing-I-dig list.

Eight things I want to do before I die:-

1. Write at least one novel, a collection of stories and journals. Research about European art and literature. Become a professor and possibly a movie/ theatre critic. Yes I know these are a number of different things bottled into one point but then they are all interconnected. And they make up the major priority in my life along with my parents!

2. Own at least one set of clothes, one pair shoes, and one accessory from every leading brand in the world you can imagine.

3. Serve my parents, give them what they truly deserve from me, and I dearly wish to take them on a tour around the world, and give them what they had to sacrifice for me, visit our ancestral place in Bangladesh. I am long way from all this but I’m gonna make it happen.

4. Learn a dance form, a martial art form, a few languages such as Italian, Spanish and especially Greek. And achieve perfection as a sync player.

5. Learn to rap… hehe

6. Do some extreme sport related to water! Water skiing, wakeboarding, scuba diving, snorkeling, speed boat… I wanna do it all

7. Write and draw out a comic series probably Archies.

8. I want a dog!!!!!!!!

Eight things I say often: - I use a hell lot of fowl language so this might be offensive for some of you

1. Yello! , Watchu doing????

2. Fuck off, fuck you, fuck!

3. What I wanted to say is …, Well……, well as I was said/saying……

4. Uhh ok… whatever … who cares!

5. the world is determined to piss me off

6. You can't…but I can

7. Seriously are you kidding me?????, ...like that.

8. Holy mother of God!

Eight books I have read recently: -

1. To kill a mockingbird – hands down to Harper Lee

2. Chowringhee by Sankar - I love novels about Bengal, after all it’s my homeland… but then there’s lot more into that back apart from it’s Bengali backdrop

3. Little women by Louisa May Alcott

4. As you like it by Shakespeare

5. A thousand splendid suns by Khaled Hosseini

6. Lord of the rings, The Two Towers by J R R Tolkien, now reading The Return of the ring

7. First impressions –Jeffery Archer

8. Gone with the wind by Margaret Mitchell

Eight songs I could listen to, over and over: -

1. Life is a road – soundtrack from the movie Anastasia

2. Suddenly I see by Kt Tunstall

3. Eight days a week – The Beatles

4. Here in your arms by HelloGoodbye

5. F.R.I.E.N.D.S theme song – I’ll be there for you.

6. Unfaithful by Rihanna

7. Anthem by Good Charlotte

8. Holiday by Green Day

Mostly all songs by Nelly Furtado, Linkin Park, Green day, Nickleback , Avril Lavigne , Black Eyed peas, Coldplay …… ahh there are so many of them… boy this is hard!

Eight things that attract me to my best friends: - hmmmm well each of my friends have a certain quality which makes me stick around to them

1. I am sort of dominating and spoiled and most of my close friends give in to m whims and wishes , they compromise and they let me take the lead, I know it’s really mean on my part but well this is the best time to let them know that I’m thankful to them for being so kind to me.

2. good listeners – I talk A LOT and I need people to listen to me no matter what I might be saying is absolute crap what so ever, quite a number of them have it in them and okay well some of them are good actors as they at least pretend that they are listening to me

3. Frank, honest and on your face – I like it when my friends are not just around to flatter me but point out my flaws and mistakes as well, I think it’s the best to hear your friend say “you acted like a total cow” rather than anyone else in the world. After myself, my parents and my friends are the best critics I have got.

4. Witty, crazy and weird… yea as I always said weird works for me

5. Motivated, competitive and determined – I simply cannot hang around with a bunch of people who have got no aim, no motivation no damn interest I time, whiling away time is not my idea of fun.

6. Imaginative – I dream a hell lot, and most of these dreams are pointless, senseless or probably downright scandalous , I love it when my friends laugh along with me when I tell them about it, add on to it, call each other freaks instead pulling some odd face and giving a look as if I am being trying to be stupid… it’s important to “get me”

7. We must share at least one kind of interest otherwise I don’t see it working

8. I can never be friends with a fake or a wannabe, show off or a snob (remember complicated by Avril Lavigne?) I like people who are not ashamed of what they are and stick to their identity and personality proudly; the I don’t give a damn attitude!

Eight people I think should do this tag:

1. Aditya ( as usual am gonna tag you…… knowing probably that he would never do it)

2. Kriti

3. happy go lucky

4. Rohit

5. Tania ( if she ventures upon my blog i.e.)

6. Jahnabi

7. busy_writer

8. errr.... ok am taggin all my friends in the blogger list ...

Wrong to be right or right to be wrong?

2008-05-09T19:59:00.008+09:00

I have often wondered why we are asked to focus so much on what’s wrong and so little on what is right. I think that if we changed our focus and concentrated on what is right we would have a much better outcome.

Imagine your teacher hands you back your test and he or she says, “Let’s go over the things you answered correctly.” They might say, for instance, “I must say, that was a brilliant answer you gave to question number three” or “Answer number six was some of your finest work ever.” I can’t help but think I would leave that class with a little spring in my step.

I love this conversation between Alice and the Mad Hatter excerpted from Lewis Carroll’s Alice in Wonderland:

Alice: where I come from, people study what they are not good at in order to be able to do what they are good at.

Mad Hatter: we only go around in circles in Wonderland, but we always end up where we started. Would you mind explaining yourself?

Alice: well, grown-ups tell us to find out what we did wrong, and never do it again.

Mad Hatter: that’s odd! It seems to me that in order to find out about something, you have to study it. And when you study it, you should become better at it. Why should you want to become better at something and then never do it again? But please continue

Alice: nobody ever tells us to study the right things we do. We’re only supposed to learn from the wrong things. But we are permitted to study the right things other people do. And sometimes we’re even told to copy them.

Mad Hatter: that’s cheating!

Alice: you’re quite right, Mr. Hatter. I do live in a topsy-turvy world. It seems like I have to do something wrong first, in order to learn from what not to do. And then, by not doing what I’m not supposed to do, perhaps, I’ll be right. But I’d rather be right the first time, wouldn’t you?

PS: PLEASE READ THE 2 FOLLOWING POEMS(I HAVE PUBLISHED THEM THE SAME DAY ALONG WITH THIS ONE) AND MAKE ME HAPPY!

WHY IS IT SO?

2008-05-09T16:12:00.003+09:00

HOLLA PEOPLE!! I AM BACK!! wow!! it's been a really really long time...... n well what can i say..... I'm finally ready to start of again...... hope u guys flock back soon onto my blog.... anyway m gonna start of with a few poems...nothing too heavy...but i guess it's worth d start.

We hold on to things the tightest,

when we are forced to let them go-

We always want things a certain way,

when we know they can't be so.

Dreams always last the longest,

when they are the furthest from our reach-

And the lessons we can learn the most from,

are often the very ones we teach.

The grass is always the greenest,

when it lies on the other side-

And the truths we preach to others,
are often those we can't abide.

We hold fast to the things in a storm,

which are most likely to blow away-

And yet we neglect to wear sunscreen,

on a bright and sunny day.

We spend our time trying to see things,

when perspective is one thing we lack-

And we never appreciate what we've got,

until we can't get it back.

We expect the whole world to give us a break,

and yet ironically we'll find-

That when others come asking the same of us,

we tell them they're out of their mind.

We tell everyone what's wrong with this world,

and we do nothing to make it right-

We complain about families falling apart,

and yet do nothing to keep them tight.

We preach about loving our neighbors,

and we teach children right from wrong-

But we never set good examples for them,

when real chances come along.

We complain about not having enough time in our lives,

to do what we must do-

Yet if we were given more hours in the day,

we'd use up all that, too.

We desire to be close to all those we love,

yet all too often look on from afar-

And when it comes to the truth do we want to change,

or remain forever as we are?

DATA

2008-05-09T15:53:00.005+09:00

I don't want to be another statistic

Some suicidal teen

Who makes the choice to kill herself

When the world just seems to mean.

She can't go with life

Or so to her it seems

Reality has fallen short

And so have many dreams.

I don't want to be another statistic

Some pregnant little girl

Who met this great guy

And then gave sex a whirl.

She was only fifteen

But it felt so right

She thought they'd be together

For more than just one night.

I don't want to be another statistic

Some kid strung out on crack

Who started at a party

And now he can't turn back

First cigarettes and alcohol

Now meth, crack and cocaine

He's been smoking it so long

That now he's gone insane.

I don't want to be another statistic

Some girl left in the rain

Who was walking home from school

Then raped and left in pain.

She can't tell her parents

And it hurts to tell her friends

She doesn't know what she'll do

To make this nightmare end.

I don't want to be another statistic

Some kid out of school

Who dropped out really early

And was acting like a fool.

he thought that it was boring

He thought that it was dumb

He doesn't have an education

But lives on the streets like a bum.

I don't want to be another statistic

Some stereotypical teen

I'm gonna make a difference

I'll finish with my dream.

I won't end up pregnant

on drugs or even dead

I won't drop out of college

Because I'll use my head.

I don't want to be another statistic

To fit into some mold

Of what society thinks of kids today

Because it's getting kind of old.

Not all of us bad

in fact most of us are good

When will the world see us

And give us credit like they should?

TAG 6- Q & As

2007-10-29T00:52:00.000+09:00

There you go people…. Another tag on your way… the fellow who tagged me is a real sweetheart (ahh Rohit! I know you’re blushing now) so am gonna try and make my answers sound kinda cool… ahh man! Like yeah…. Totally!

1. Pick out a scar you have, and explain how you got it. – Ooooooh! How I wish I had a scar which looks like a lightening bolt (o.k. no more of Potter I solemnly swear ;) )

well being one of the clumsiest freaks who ever walked on this planet, I have lost count of my scars but the first ever scar is the one I got on my left arm, and it’s in the shape of a “rajma”, got it because of an injection… was a baby then, it’s the kinda scar which most of you have

2. What does your phone look like? – Well I have got a Nokia 5300 Xpress Music, and the cool bit is it’s color i.e. all black, and not the usual red/blue/grey and white combo…

the thing is initially I had the red and white model but the damn thing got stolen and well then I wanted a Nokia N76 but obviously why would my parents buy me that right after I have lost my brand new cell???…..so then I got the same model but in a different color

3. What is on the walls of your bedroom? – hmmm this is gonna take some time; well I have pictures but then that’s basically on my bulletin board and that’s on my wall….so whatever, ohh the pictures are basically of my childhood, my parents, college, drama ( on stage stuff), Huggies( my sweetheart!), then I have posters of Harry Potter, Orlando Morrison, some quotation posters, the usual “rules of my room” and “do not disturb” stuff on the door and o’course a calendar and ohh yea… I put up these hand prints in different colors and they look awesome!

4. What is your current desktop picture? – It’s a picture taken during Players@50 celebrations… it helps keep those fantastic moments alive!

5. Do you believe in gay marriage? – What do you mean believe?? I think it’s absolutely normal, and I would say “believe” is too meek a word, I totally support it!

6. What do you want more than anything right now? – Gosh! I am a total moron; so basically I want a lot of things right now; most importantly I just wanna ace in English Hons….but then that’s not something I want this very moment it’s pretty much gonna be there till am at least done with my M.A and also be a really major part of Players. …..hmmm so talking about instantaneous wishes; I wanna snuggle up with my guy with some dark chocolate and not worry about all sorts of work piled up on my head

7. Are your parents still together? – Yes

8. Last person who made you cry? – Don’t really care and don’t wanna remember either, hell with that bastard/bitch anyway

9. What is your favorite perfume/cologne? – I am a total sport brand addict so Adidas and Nike take the top spots …….ohh wait…. I am talking about deos, I don’t really use perfumes because they are bloody expensive and I don’t find their essence that strong either

10. What are you listening to? – You mean right this every moment??? I am listening to “She will be loved” Maroon 5

11. Do you get scared of the dark? – Well not when I am at my place…otherwise usually yea… shit scared!!

12. Do you like pain killers? – Like??? Hmmm the only painkillers I take on regular basis for my cramps are homeopathic and they are kinda chewy and powdery …so yea I like them!

13. Are you too shy to ask someone out? – Really don’t know about that… but what I can say is; I am not shy when it comes to making someone ask me out *evil grin*
14. If you could eat anything right now, what would it be? – Chocolate… yumm…

15. Who was the last person who made you mad? – Dad, how boring can you be really!

16. Who was the last person who made you smile? – Mum, she always knows what to say and more importantly what not to say

17. Is someone in love with you? *blush-smile-blush again-make dreamy faces* - love with me… you bet……Awwwww now I miss him even more…!

Tagging on ;- Aditya-high time you update your blog, Ashish, Nishi, Tania and Kriti

THE WEDDING RING

2007-10-24T21:15:00.000+09:00

( I HAVE WRITTEN THIS IN FIRST PERSON AS I USUALLY DO, THIS IS SOMETHING SHARED BY ONE OF MY COUSINS )

In the middle school creative writing class, our teacher gave assignments designed to make students think about the details of life and I’ve found that these produce the best writings. We make use of each of their senses as well as to get to the heart of things, for some of my classmates; those voices express certain sentiments that desperately need an outlet.

One day, she asked the students to describe an object and its particular significance to them personally. Next day on the bus to school all of us sat discussing what we are going to write about, however one of my friends, Shirley Matthews declared she ain’t doing it

Now I knew Shirley well, we spent are junior years together, she was an excellent writer, so this statement surprised me, I looked at her for a moment, her attitude of defiance was completely uncharacteristic, I didn’t press on as I thought she would gradually change her mind, when I saw later that day, she was still hell bend on not doing it, something in her voice made me ask her what this is all about. “Are you having trouble picking an object or what?”

She was quite for a moment and then said, “No. last night I told my mum about the assignment, she said she had an idea of something special for me to write about, she took me to her room, she opened her jewellery box, I thought she’s gonna show me some pair of earrings that belonged to my grandma, I was already thinking; oh this is gonna be easy” she stopped for a moment, I could she that she was having a hard time with her next thoughts

“But she didn’t give me a piece of my grandma’s jewelry. She took out the wedding ring my father had given her and handed it to me.”

I thought for a minute, I remembered from conferences that Shirley’s parents had different last names, but her stepfather was always interested in her progress and as proud of her achievements as her mother, and Shirley seemed so well adjusted that I never had any reason to assume differently. But the teenager in front of me was miserable, “how could she have kept the ring? How could she want me to have it?” she began to cry “they got divorced when I was a baby, I don’t even know how he looks like, and I hate him! I don’t want the stupid wedding ring!

Shirley’s anger was acute; I asked gently, “what did you do then?”

“I threw the ring as hard as I could against the wall. It made a mark and fell behind the dresser and I ran to my room and slammed the door shut. My mom didn’t yell at me or anything. She didn’t even make me move the dresser to get the ring.”

Wise woman .I thought

“You don’t have to write about the ring.” I said. “You know you can choose anything you want, don’t you?” even as I said it, I knew that Shirley had, in fact, wanted to talk if not write about that ring, I knew that all the rage and frustration of an abandoned child were symbolized in that ring, but am not an psychologist and certainly not her mom, it wasn’t my place to force her to express painful feelings.

That night Shirley’s mom called me up, and she asked whether Shirley had discussed something about the ring, I thought as her mom she had the right to know, so I told her about it, she thanked me for letting her know . Then she said “I knew it she would have told you” every mom has superpowers to get these things right I guess! “I didn’t realize how angry she is- not just at her father, but at me also. But, I kept that ring to remind me of the good times in my marriage- there were good times.” She paused and then said softly, “if I hadn’t married him, I wouldn’t have Shirley.”

I had no idea how to react to what her mom was telling me; I mean I am just an adolescent;

“Tell her” I said

The next day, I waited anxiously for Shirley, her feelings were understandable. But, I hoped that the obvious love between mother and daughter would help her deal with her feelings.

Shirley smiled at me when she came in. she said, “I’m a little sore today.” She winked, “I moved some heavy furniture last night.”

I smiled back; I was tempted to make some comment about weights being lifted, but then she handed me a composition and said “submit my essay will you” and left

Her essay about the wedding ring was short. Shirley wrote: “things are just things- they have no power to hurt or to heal. Only people can do that. And we can all choose whether to be hurt or healed by the people who love us.”

That was all

That was everything.

THE SAME OLD STUFF:-OF LOVE AND RELATIONSHIPS

2007-10-11T10:54:00.000+09:00

So it's been quite a while since I've written anything on here. I think I've said that before so I'm not going to make a follow-up joke about it because I have a feeling I'll be repeating myself. And if there's one rule I follow while writing, it is not repeating a joke. Another rule I follow is writing long unpunctuated sentences which have no real meaning and add nothing to the premise of what I intend to convey in the next few paragraphs which basically means I'm just fucking with anyone who is reading this right now. Sorry. .....

My friend and I were talking about relationships yesterday because we were excruciatingly bored and had no life whatsoever at the time. So I was telling her how you have to work at relationships, at least the serious ones. Everything does not just fall into place. Unless you're in a Hindi movie. And even there you have angry rich dads who do not think that your ability to sing songs in different voices, and dance in co-ordination with 30 guys you don't know behind you is impressive enough. Anyway she seemed to primarily catch onto the "relationships....at least the serious ones" part. Her inexplicable reply was, "But any relationship is a serious one...otherwise its a fling". After being momentarily shocked by her naivety, I told her it just does not work like that. It's not "Enter coin. Option 1 = relationship, Option 2 = fling. Please pick one." It's just not that simple. But I realized that I didn't properly explain to her why it isn't that simple. So now I'm gonna try and explain to her, and you, the different types of "relationships" one can go through (Remember there are no hard and fast rules to relationships, so you might not agree with most of this) :-

TYPE A - The Initiation

Okay this is generally one of your first relationships. Or relationships around the age 12-16. This is generally a beautiful experience where everything is all rosy and sweet. As it was happening, you would definitely call it a "serious relationship". At the time you might even call it love. But it wasn't, and you know that now because you've experienced so much more as far as relationships go. We have this tendency to think we are in love when we are not, primarily because most of us love the idea of being in love. Especially at that innocent age where we don't fully understand how ugly love can truly get. Yes, it can be beautiful when you experience it, but falling in "love" with every person you're with for more than a month is just not love. However sometimes the very first relationship can lead to true love. That's very rare though. Just a 16.7% likelihood of that happening. So what do we call this? It certainly wasn't a serious relationship and it wasnt a fling either. This is less a type of relationship and more a phase. This is "The Initiation".

TYPE B - The Teacher

No this is not some pornographic story arc I'm incorporating here. Not with the types of teachers we have. This is where you're still new to the whole world of dating. However you meet someone who knows a lot more than you. He/she has all the experience in the various facets of a relationship - physical, emotional, intangibles. So you let him/her pretty much take control, and you become the student and he/she is the teacher who you can occasionally abuse without worrying about detention. Type B normally does not last very long, but there is no way you can call it a fling. It just means so much more. Whoever has experienced Type B, will understand what I'm talking about. However the shorter this lasts the better, or else the control factor can get a bit much after a while.

TYPE C - The Fling
This is the simplest and least complicated of all forms of relationships. You both basically want each other for just two things - A good time with no strings attached and physical satisfaction. You're not required to constantly keep in touch and you're not supposed to care about the details of what the other is going through at that point of his/her life. Basically you have no responsibilities towards each other at all. This is the kind of relationship is the hot favorite among most of the guys. But even the fling has its pitfalls, because sometimes when you're havin a fling with someone, you discover that the person is actually quite likeable. This leads to confused feelings....and emotions. And once you start caring, it's not a fling anymore. Therefore try your best to get into a fling with someone not overly likeable. Like me. (DUh!)

TYPE D - The Friends With Benefits Okay this is a well known concept which has been played out in numerous different ways for centuries. It's considered to be a guys dream, and I totally understand why. But it's rarely, rarely ever that simple. It's very hard to find two people of the opposite sex, who want the exact same things from each other. More often than not, Type D starts off just great. Everything seems perfect. You're free to hook up with other people and yet you still always have your friend to talk to, and get it on with, depending on the mood. Sounds perfect doesn't it? But then it almost never lasts. Slowly the expectations from one side (and no it's not always the girl) increase leading to awkward situations, arguments and eventually the "I think we should just be friends because that meant a lot to me, and I'd never wanna ruin that" talk. Although sometimes Type D does lead to love, but only if there were prior such feelings in the first place. Lack of clarity from either or both of the participants is often the reason for the failure of Type D. Type D has another variety where you first hook up with someone, like him/her, but somehow never get serious and end up becoming friends with benefits. This is very rare but it can be much less complicated due to the lack of history between the two.

TYPE E - THE Relationship/ Love
Okay this is by far the most complicated, yet the simplest form of a relationship...sort of a paradox. One minute you'll feel like you two are the only people on earth and nothing outside of that matters, and the next you'll want to throw dangerous objects at each other. And I don't refer just to emotionally unstable people here. Love makes you emotionally unstable. But I guess that's the beauty of it. It's a place where you are never in total control but you trust each other enough to be absolutely comfortable with that. Now that was the complicated part. The simple part is the reason why you love the other person. You just do. You might have a number of reasons you could recite to him/her of why you love them(Refer to all teen movie endings where boy says how much he likes girls' eyes, smile, nails, armpit hair etc. in front of 1500 strangely attentive people), but at the end of the day its because...you just do. However, love can get very ugly because of the extremes in emotions, and the high expectations from one another. Not always are those expectations met and in this type of relationship, it just hurts a bit more. Some of the side effects of such relationships failing include purchase of large amounts of ice cream(Similar to munchies. Just not as funny), moping around, excessive whining, snappiness etc. On the other hand if it does work, it can be a beautiful, enlightening experience.

......Okay I think that's the gayest fucking paragraph I have ever written. I need to wash my face now.

There are many more types of relationships, but I feel a bit too much like Cosmopolitan right now to get into that.

Have a great day!

MUZIKK, SEUZIK...... HAI RABBA....!

2007-10-06T10:28:00.000+09:00

So yesterday after my four days of autumn break, i went to college for my Players work for our street play competition coming up in IITK .... God how i hope it'll be ready by then! anyways... so for street play you need to compose songs and then you're supposed to compose music as well and thats how i thought about this post,i guess all of us are fond of music, so i do hope that this makes a good read......

Some played out stereotypes in the fascinating world of music:-

1) The first minute or so of all house songs must be merely a build up to the actual song i.e. a few beats here and there while you twiddle your thumbs and wait for the actual song to start.

2) All rap videos must have women with "phat" asses and humongous boobs;to this my friend said,"I like this stereotype. Although the ugly rappers with gold teeth totally gettin it on with them disturbs me...."

3) All boy bands must have a maximum of only two guys who actually can sing regardless of how many members are in the band. The others just move around in the background and try to look as gay as possible. Ahh... well girl bands aren't too far behind either!I'm currently negotiating with record labels to have my own girl band with 850 girls.

4) All current heavy rock songs must have a phase around the middle of the song where the music slows down only to slowly build back up again to a louder, angrier version. Again I don't mind this stereotype. (interesting sidenote - In an Incubus song called "Just a Phase" they actually fake the slow down to anger phase the first time. Just as you expect Brandon Boyd to scream his lungs out as the drums get louder and faster, he goes back to slow mode. But the next time the slow down phase is done, he ends up screaming the next verse. My ears were not prepared. I had never been faked by music before.)

5) All contemporary female artistes must have atleast one song about how they "don't need a man to be happy", followed by 15 songs about how they just want a steady relationship.

6) All rap artistes must talk about their bling, their hos and their rides for atleast 80% of their albums(Eminem reduces that percentage significantly. He rather personally insult his entire family. I like him.)

7) In rock videos, the camera concentrates on the lead singer and guiatrist for 96% of the video closely followed by the bassist at around 3.5%. The drummer gets a cool 0.5%. I want to be a drummer.

8) All R & B artistes must go over the top at a certain point in the song, basically singing something along the lines of "oooooo yehhhh ohhhhh babyyy ooooo oooo ahhhhhhhh yeh babyyyyy ooooo wooahhh woah...woahhhhhh".

9) All young female pop singers (Britney, Lohan, Duff, Aggy) must have one song/ballad where they make a heartrending attempt at explaining how they are "just like any other normal, average girl next door" even though they have about 10000000000$, two private planes and three jail sentences more than "normal girls". This is followed by an upbeat song where they sing something along the lines of "I'm not your average girl. I'm different". Please make up your mind.

That's all I have for now. Feel free to add some more stereotypes.

PS: Sorry for the ridiculous title......

Theoretically hypothetical.Hypothetically theoretical; jACK N jILL

2007-09-30T14:56:00.000+09:00

What im gonna write about is a conversation my dad and i had when we were headin back home yesterday. a minute away from my house, thers a junction where u either take a right turn and go down the slope or take a left n go uphill. my house is on the left. now whenever someone who hasnt been to my house is droppin me home(i dont have a fuckin license yet), they always seem to instinctively take the right and go downhill. i was just talkn some random shit and i told my dad how everyone seems to prefer going downhill on the turn to our house....and then i realized what i said actually made sense in more ways than one. after a brief moment of inner satisfaction and relative excitement, i proceeded to explain to my dad.... "see man it makes sense....its like the natural course of life takes u downhill. you have to put in effort and work to go uphill in life....but its so much easier to go downhill, literally and figuratively. you just need to let go. like going down stairs is so much easier than climbing upstairs"...after giving my dad a moment to process we both laughed together...it wasnt as touching as it sounds but it was pretty funny. then he joined in on the theory as well and our next example was perfect considering we were sitting in it.....a car. To go up a slope you have to use the handbrake and all that jazz...basically its pretty tough(now you know why i dont have a license). now on the other hand going down the slope...well you need to do absolutely nothing...just leave the car and it goes downhill....no gear no clutch....nothing needed. similarly going downhill in life is just as easy....if not easier. We actually managed to think of all this in a couple of mins coz as i mentioned earlier, that was the turn to my house....we then went inside and continued for a bit more...and my mom, who is also my dad's wife, came and asked us what we were talking about....after i explained, she laughed(reluctantly) and asked, "so what's the point of the theory?"................moms.
Anyway im compelled to make something of that theory so the point is something like - "heard of jack and jill? you know what happend when they went up the hill? they came tumbling down and poor jack even broke his head. now if only they didnt climb that hill, things wouldve been looking much brighter for jack and jill today. the natural course of life takes us downhill....so why fight it? why try so hard to go up in life just to come tumbling down?.....let's all just let go, and go down that slope."

I am just so inspirational.....

BITS FROM HOME AND AROUND THE WORLD!

2007-09-29T02:14:00.000+09:00

I’ll start with this interesting piece. A couple in Texas, US have after 5 years of research brought out a list titled ‘Top 237 reasons why people have sex’. I read the first ten for both men and women, and thought it was pretty much trash. I mean, the top most reason given was “attracted to opposite sex” for both genders. Hello Genius!!…..There are some weird ones. Like “Wanted to have climax”. Dudes and gals, ever heard of Masturbation?…Some are understandable such as “Wanted a pay rise”.(On this Shou commented"Hell I sure wouldn’t mind sleeping with my future lady boss for a rise in my paycheck...." ahh you can guess that he stopped pretty abruptly after witnessing "the look" on my face) Anyways how about trying to research a cure for AIDS or Cancer for 5 years, dolts!

In other news, Sania Mirza got through to the quarters of the Acura Classic. She’s beaten some heavyweights on her way. Now, she’s going to play Miss “aaaahhhh” Sharapova.But cmon, this is Sania. I’ll bet my precious ass that she’ll lose. She always does, when the crunch time dawns.

Meanwhile, Sanjay Dutt was shifted to the Yerwada jail in Pune for “security reasons”. I believe Mahatma Gandhi himself was lodged in this jail during the independence struggle. Man, how’s that for coincidence for munnabhai. Curiously, the Mahatma too was sentenced to 6 years imprisonment. Reality really is stranger than fiction.

It poured pretty heavily here in Mumbai yesterday. South Bombay, apparently, was worst hit. Now my friends in town can know what its like to be in the suburbs at the worst of times.

Meanwhile, Gen-X in Surat, Gujarat seem to have taken fashionista beyond cloud nine. Apparently, some of them now flaunt their “diamond studded” teeth. Diamonds are implanted into some teeth and yo! Trust Gujjus to be up there at flaunting things, eh fellas?

In other news, Barack Obama finally gave reason to “white dominated” America to rule him out of the race for the White House. His statement that he wouldn’t “use nuclear weapons under any circumstances” didn’t quite go down too well with most Americans, or so it seems.

In tech, I saw this Apple i-phone review on ‘cell guru’ on NDTV. It’s awesome per se, but if you’re thinking of getting it to India now, Dont! The phone will be a little “crippled” and not all the functions would work.Get the Nokia N-95 in its place. It’ll do everything that the i-phone does and more.

Have a great Weekend!

THE SECRET OF HIMESH RESHAMMIYA'S POWER!

2007-09-29T02:08:00.000+09:00

HALLELUJAHH!!!
YO! I SOOOOO WANTED TO WRITE ON THIS TOPIC FOR LIKE AGES...SO HERE IT IS!

One of the things I have struggled to understand is the reason for the viral appeal of this man—-Himesh Reshammiya. You cannot surf channels without a glimpse of his visage: the faux-stud look, the beard, the baseball cap and the cockiness. If ubiquity is the measure of success, then this man has reached the top—from pan shops to discos Himesh Reshammiya’s music and his uber-nasal twang blares at you ceaselessly, like the agonizing moans of a freshly castrated donkey. (not that I have ever heard one–just an intelligent guess as to how it would sound like)

So what is it–what is the reason? Is it that nasal accent? Well if that was the case, then Kumar Sanu would be the reigning king today—-but all he got was the very healthy Kunika and a hysterical wife who comes on the telly and says “Sanu… bhogoban sob dekhta hain” in the worst Bongo Hindee.

Is it his sweet deal with T-series by which he is being aggressively promoted, much to the chagrin of people like Anu Malik ? But wait—the last time T-series got behind a bearded, smart-alec music-director with pretensions of being a singer (think back to Nadeem in a pilot uniform violating “O Mere Dil Ke Chain”) it ended with a dead body and a fugitive. But not so now.

Is it his mixture of qawwali and modern beats? But even Altaf Raja tried doing it with “Kar Lo Pyar” , “Thora Intezar Ka Maza Lijiye” and the very groovy “Yeh Raat Hain Rangeen Sharabi” —-and what happened to him? Possibly doing live entertainment at Mithun-da’s monarch hotel along with Vikas Bhalla and Anaida.

Well finally, the real reason is out.

Ghosts.

Himmesh Reshammiyaâ€™s hit number Jhalak dikhla ja, ek baar aaja, aaja… may set feet tapping at discotheques, but in Anand districtâ€™s Bhalej village, it seems to have set alarm bells ringing.

Why? Residents claim that the lyrics are an invite to â€œghostsâ€ who then possess residents. The person possessed - some put this number at five, others at 20 - run a high temperature and behave in a strange manner

â€œSince the last 15 days, weâ€™ve noticed this problem. There have been about 20 such cases since then,â€ says Malek. Mushtaq Thakore says there have been around five such cases, including that of a newly wedded girl Sartajbanu.

â€œThe lyrics are such that they draw the attention of the ghosts, after which the person starts screaming and also runs a high temperature. The only way out is to seek divine help. Muslims go to maulvis, Hindus to their godmen,â€ Mushtaq says.

Exactly. Firstly the lyrics: “Jhalak dikhla ja” is an open invitation for denizens of the netherworld to come and show their stuff. But similar songs have been there before—how come they never tickled the fancy of the bhoots/chudails? Simple. They never heard it. Only Reshammaya’s voice can reach the frequency range at which ghosts can pick up sound—–as we all know ghosts talk in high-pitched shrill voices themselves.

Those who have seen Satyajit Ray’s “Goopi Gayen Bagha Bayen” know that pleasing the king of the ghosts makes any musician invincible. For those who don’t know what I am talking about, “Goopi Gayen Bagha Bayen” is a story of a talentless singer (Goopi) who gets thrown out of the kingdom for his horrid voice. Joined by an equally talentless hack, Bagha (a drum player) they play their music in the deep jungles.

What is cacophony to the living world is high art for ghosts. So impressed do the ghosts become with their music that their king grants them three wishes: one of which is that their music will be irresistible (people wont be able to move it will be so good).

It is fairly evident that Himesh Reshammiya has also been granted a similar wish by the “dead people”—the only twist is that people have to start moving and dancing the moment he opens his mouth or composes a song—no matter how horrible it is.

[Some rationalists opine that the people who run a high temperature and start screaming are actually musically highly sensitive people whose musical immune system is reacting to the presence of a malignant presence—but of course that’s baloney]

So it is not that people all over India actually like his songs—it’s just that the supernatural compels them to.

My faith in vox populi is consequently restored.

Friendship & SMS Relativity Theory

2007-09-03T22:18:00.000+09:00

Today is a different day.( well!!! not excatly today..... just that i was too lethargic and busy to write this post down anytime before than this!)

I woke up with the same amount of reluctance as any Sunday. Usually, the first thing I do, when I wake up, is brush my teeth. But as I told you, today is different. I checked my cell and it showed me a message “No space for new messages”, for certain reasons i was using a Nokia 3310 for the time being(Yes... one that belongs to the Flinstones Era) and so it wasn’t a surprise for me, I have to clear my inbox every second day. But today, I don’t know how many times I’ll have to do it. Today is differnt. Today is Friendship Day.

Usually 80 percent of my discoveries happen in the washroom but not today, and you know why. While I was sipping tea, I took my cell and browsed my inbox for the best “Friendship Day Message” I had received. I found one which matched my idea of friendship. Here it is:

Being a friend is not an easy job, because it’s not just about sharing a joke, a conversation, an SMS, a coffee, or a story… It’s about sharing the most honest and true part of yourself. HAPPY FRIENDSHIP DAY.

I then, clicked on ‘Forward’ and ‘Send to many’ and browsed through my phone book. By the time I reached “Z” I realized that I had made an amazing discovery.

My desire for forwarding the message varied from name to name.

I ignored the friends whom I would die for. I knew none of them would expect my SMS.
I didn’t fell like forwarding the message to very good friends, but still managed to press my thumb.
I thought for a moment before forwarding it to my good friends.
And then there were names in my inbox who were there, just because I knew them. The moment I saw that kind of a name, I pressed my thumb.

So do you get the trend?

Depth of Friendship is inversely proportional to the desire of forwarding a Friendship day Message.

F α 1/D

So F = C/D

Where F = Depth of Friendship
D is Desire for forwarding a friendship day message
C = Constant (per SMS charge you have to pay)

Do you agree? By the way…Out of around 60 messages I sent, I go three replies which strengthen my belief on my Discovery. Can you guess what that reply could be?

Thanks, But who is this? Reply

VENTING IT ALL OUT PART 3 SHIVSENA N ORKUT

2007-08-19T14:36:00.000+09:00

Medieval Morons!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Even with the strongly nationalist feelings rubbed into me since a young age by various cousins, I find many of Shiv Sena's actions grossly moronic even for a political party. The latest is the attempt at blocking Orkut. The person in the report (who looks no less than 40) is, I suppose, the leader of the sena's student wing. He wants Orkut blocked because groups have been formed on Orkut to spread "hatred among Indians". This reminds me of a Tenali Rama story (or is it Birbal?) where the king jokingly suggests that Tenali cut off his big toe when it gets soiled in mud. Tenali, of course, with his indubitable wit, waits for a fine opportunity and suggests a similar cutting off of body parts when the king falls neck-deep into mud (pushed by Tenali? I suppose.) After the sena's attempts to convince people that matter failed, they have begun to hit out at hapless cyber cafe owners. With logic, that would make a caveman proud, the student wing leader says "You see, if X person is running a hotel and Y person brings a prostitute to that hotel, don't you think it is the responsibility of X to stop this immoral act? In the same way, we feel cybercafes should be responsible and ban Orkut. After all, we are Indians and we should not allow sites that are against our country to run." Digging up of cricket pitches to stop cricket with Pakistan, vandalising gift stores selling valentine's day gifts, trashing young couples to uphold "culture", blocking orkut. What should the Shiv Sena do next in the interest of the nation?

Block the internet in India (Hate communities in Orkut. Orkut on the internet. Am proud of my logic. I'm getting there.)
Vandalise and stop co-ed schools from functioning
Vandalise McDonald's
Impose a complete ban on the English language (corrupting influence on young minds, you know.)
More?

Tell me.

VENTING IT ALL OUT PART 2 RUSHDIE!

2007-08-19T13:07:00.000+09:00

Update! update ! update! yyyyyooooooooooohoooooooooooo!!!
*grins and looks extrememely stupid*

My professor for "Indian poems" goes on and on about how great Salman Rushdie is, i have over a zillion things quoted by that...... in my "Modern Indian Lietrature" book... DAMN! I am so mad and irritated with all the Rushdie crap!Hmmmmpppphhh!

~~~Think before you say "I DO"

Salman Rushdie is an extremely talented and ambitious man. Yet his scandals supercede that. First he writes a novel which goes on to become the Booker of Bookers. His next novel almost becomes another booker prize winner. He also writes a book on the alleged heretical verses and pisses off most of the Muslims, ergo, gets a fatwa launched against him ironically on Valentines’ Day. And ultimately gets knighted for his services to literature.

I remember my cousin telling me once that he commented upon Indira Gandhi’s lips comparing it to a vagina.

Good Lord!

But he is determined to achieve something greater than all these trivial matters, something which will make him the undisputed king of the neo-age. What he truly wants is to break the record of Elizabeth Taylor. Nothing would give him more than to surpass the legendary actress’ unfathomable record.

He’s almost there.

One of the extraordinary things about human events is that the unthinkable becomes thinkable

- Salman Rushdie

And correct you are sir. Indeed!

I remember reading TIME when Rushdie got married again. It had Rushdie quoted saying something about marriage being a holy union of beings. I found it rather amusing to see Rushdie believe in the sanctity of marriage considered it didn’t work for him the last three times. Imagine him at the altar and being asked for the fourth time, “Do you accept this women to be your lawfully wedded wife till death do you part?”

“I do”

Yeah it would have been true had the fatwa been carried out successfully. Yet fate would intervene.

Padmalakshmi. I guess the only thing wrong with her is her name. But then what’s in a name? I mean she’s so radiantly hot! Apparently she’s really intelligent. Must be hard for her because no one would be willing to listen to her because they’d all be undressing her in their head. Rushdie on the other hand could bear to control his lust for her for the sole reason that in 1999 he had an operation to correct a tendon condition that was making it increasingly difficult for him to open his eyes, so maybe he could pay more attention to what was coming out of her mouth rather than focus on what could go in.

But now it doesn’t matter.

Salman Rushdie has agreed to divorce his wife, Padma Lakshmi, because of her desire to end their marriage

-New York Post

The ignominy of being dumped by your own wife.

Our lives teach us who we are.

-Salman Rushdie.

Care to elaborate and provide some more insight on this kind Sir?

( I know it's extremely evil of me to comment on his personal life, and I do not deny that indeed he is a great writer, but somehow i feel one should practise what they preach and no matter how succesfull you may be everything finally come's down what kind of a human being you truly are)

VENTING IT ALL OUT PART 1 DU,ABVP & "DHARNA"

2007-08-19T12:31:00.000+09:00

I wonder when was the last time i have witnessed myself ever so frustrated and helplessly crippled by the situations.
I guess or rather hope that all of you are aware that a case of sexual harassment was filed against Gandhi Bhawan director Bidyut Chakravarty ( fucking son of a bitch,shitfaced cunt!) of DU, sadly nobody knew anything about it untill one of the students Anamika Sharma spoke up; the bastard has been harrasing the female students and teachers since god knows when and the victims were simply to scared to take any action hence going through a horrendous time; the report was submitted to the Vice Chancellor but no further actions were taken! ( for the entire incident or just to refresh your memories; click here )

The vice-chancellor Deepak Pental who apparently quoted that DU will "do it's duty" haven't been doing anything at all , it seems more like as if they simply trying to protect the moronic sadists! the recent Executive Council meeting did not have any reports on the Gandhi Bhavan and Punjabi department cases! fuck man ! it was just too bloody agonizing!

Ultimately, us DU students conducted a "dharna" at V-C office on friday, the KMC team was headed by a few teachers including the english and history department and the seniors consisting of "The Players"( KMC dramsoc) ,we had the typical naara-baazi on; " V-C down down", "Arsi, Bidyut shame, shame" etc that the ABVP bastards turned up and started man handling the students and teachers; they tucked onto the girl's t-shirts; i mean i just look at the bloody condition of the place, in the course of protesting against sexual harassment we got sexually harassed right then and there, and the boys and teachers got beaten up, some to a devilishly brutal extend, we people didn't realy have any idea about this midless act by ABVP, just look; these are the goddamn cunts who come to every class begging for votes! i wish i could castrate each of them! anyway eventually we came to know that all this was done just to be the main centre of attraction in front of the V-C office; "ahh look at us, we are doing our part" fools i tell i tell you they are fools!!

We are NOT keeping it quite, "sir kata sakte hai lekin sir juka sakte nahi" :) :)

WHY R ANTS LYK US: NONSENSE AT IT'S BEST!

2007-08-05T18:46:00.000+09:00

A couple of days ago I woke up in the middle of the night because my left eyelid was hurtin a lot. I convinced myself it was a result of sleeping in a weird position, and tried going back to sleep. I'm extremely lazy, so getting up and going to the mirror just to see my eye seemed like way too much work at 3 am.

But then it started to feel really weird and I tried opening my eyes. My right eye opened but my left eye did not cooperate. After fruitlessly tryin to get back to sleep again(it should've been easier considerin I had only one eye to close), I got up from my comfortable soft bed, switched the lights on and went to have a look in the mirror to see if something was wrong. My palms were now sweating profusely. Why was I nervous? Why did I have this feeling of dread inside me? As my right eye adjusted to the bright lights, I noticed that something was wrong. Something was very, very wrong. I could see through only one eye because....MY LEFT EYEBALL WAS MISSING.

Okay no that didn't happen. I just felt like writing something overdramatic. Sorry.

What I actually saw was a heavily swollen left eyelid. It took me a while to get used to the whole look but I ended up liking it. Maybe I was channelling the Jack Sparrow in me. But that is not the point of this story at all. The point is an insect did this to me. Now normally that would mean nothing, but this...this was personal. Personal because I let some of these ants and spiders chill in my room and made sure no one harmed them.

I thought I had an understanding with them, but just like that they had to fuck me over. You just had to didn't you? (Please excuse me while I directly address the ants, and pretend that they read blogs online). I took care of you, fed you leftovers, let you inhale passive smoke, played music for you(I even played britney spears for the gay ants) and still you just had to bite me. I let you into my life and you still just had to bite me. Well guess what...I should've expected it.

Last time a few ants were in my room and I thought to myself, "You know what...its okay. Its just a few and they seem like good ants." I even had a talk with most of the ants and the discussion went something like this :-

Me - Okay listen I could easily kill you right now with my little finger but I'm not going to. I think we can coexist without going to war. As long as you don't hurt me, I don't hurt you. Just dont take advantage of me. Deal?

Ants - .....

So for a few days all was good even though the queen ant was a bit of a bitch. I did my thing and they did theirs. Sometimes we even sang and danced along to "hit me baby one more time" together. I normally played Britney's part and they played the back up dancers. So one day after returnin from class with a dvd of the movie "Ants", I sat in front of my laptop and noticed something was different. Something was wrong. The wall where the ten or so ants resided now had approximately 216 ants. And on my plates there were more ants. They ate my food. And now they were calling out for my blood.

Why would they do this to me? I took good care of them and made sure they were happy. But they just took advantage of my hospitality. I took a deep breath and I did what I had to do. I killed them all. One by one....by one. I just had to. I didn't have any insecticides or pesticides, so I used my very own special insect war weapon - The Axe voodoo spray( now it's out in the open that i use men's deo!). Atleast they all died smelling good.

Anyway after I killed them and savoured the sweet scent of victory(and axe), I realized something. I was being hypocritical. I was a fuckin hypocrite, because these ants....they were just like us. Just like us Indians. You probably think I'm talking shit. You are probably right. But just think about this....the ants basically just thought my room was their home. Because I let them stay there and was hospitable towards them. The same way Indians have infiltrated so many countries. We weren't huge in number in every part of the world except Antarctica right from the beginning of time. It was a process.

UK has a very high percentage of Indians, but do you really think all the Indians just landed there on one night? Nope. Maybe initially 100-200 of them went. Just like the ants in my room. They were treated well. Just like the ants in my room. They were given food. Just like the ants in my room. And then they called their friends who called their friends and so on. Just....like....the.....ants.....in.....my......room.

There is a tiny difference here though. The same Axe that killed the ants, just makes us Indians smell better.

The world is an unfair place.

P.S. - I cannot believe I seriously tried to put forward this theory. I apologize to my patriotic and righteous indians.

THE CHRONICLES OF KMC: the course, the crowd & “the players"

2007-07-27T23:31:00.002+09:00

Been more then a week I have been going to KMC, and it’s been amazing, loads and loads better then ....... ahh well you get it….!

The course – we have around 12-14 books which is pretty cool! 19^th centaury classics with Pride and Prejudice and Jane Eyre and all that, and then 20^th centaury modern Indian writing which includes Rabindranath Tagore and Amitav Ghosh, good stuff, along with that we have short stories, poem, prose & plays, “opening your minds” are the keywords in this course

The crowd – well my classmates are ok –ok , I really don’t know all of them “that” well , but the good thing is, the guys are so unlike the typical “gawar” types, the girls most of them look the same to me but I guess they are fine…well kind of! The seniors are really cool…. At least till now they are… ragging was so much fun man! Like I was made to fight with this girl who is supposed to be dating my boyfriend and we were only allowed to use Hindi abuses, like hell …. I started of , yelling all what I know in Hindi, and surprisingly the seniors loved it and they were actually cheering, the girl hardly said anything, man I looked like a total bitch ( no duh!) finally the decision of the jury ( seniors) that the guy belongs to me…. Ha! Take that sucker, but the thing is when they came to know that I am a “player” (part of dramatic society), they said, “Yea she looks like the player material” and you know what.., that was some compliment, I mean being a part of players is a big thing, and being able to match them is something… well is something I would love to… and now surprisingly all of a sudden I am popular…phew! And o'course a visit to the "we the people" debate on ndtv 24X7 was a great experience, Bharkha Datt was mesmermizing, and basically all i did there was gape and stare my eyeballs out at her...

The players – sounds kinda cool na??? The way people look at you in awe, “oh you’re a player?” yea yea fine I am part of “the players” but seriously it’s not as rosy as it sounds yaar, the seniors treat us like dogs, or I would say even worse then dogs, their sarcasm and their personal comments are sometimes simply too much to handle, sure I agree all of them are brilliant, and it’s more like a trend that anyone who is a player-smokes, including the teachers, am not complaining though...... I guess it’s ok, and like “every dog has it’s day”, I am gonna have mine and that too pretty soon…. First on the list –IITD … make way people … here comes the players! lol ;)

------>>> I miss Hansraj , not chemistry though, but yea Hansraj, feel kinda sad that i lost the "Hansarian" tag, but one thing for sure Hansraj is huge! and excelltent in acedamics when it comes to science and commerce, KMC.. well science branch kinda suckes but luckily the english department is too good to be true and most of the english professors are heading some cultural society or the other, so english department is the mainheader of ECA and ECA is the reason why the college is so well known, however LP, the dingy chem labs, the lawns, my friends, Kriti and harry potter look alike... are something which will always remain a part of me...

TAG #5 : HAVE YOU EVER????

2007-07-14T22:38:00.000+09:00

I was going through one of my fellow blogger's blogspace (check it out, its too good) and I came upon this tag, and in the end the author suggested to try it out and I did (basically I bloody wanted to do it) and it was fun!

HAVE YOU EVER…..

Smoked a cigarette? Yes! Don’t start hating me now, I smoked the entire thing and it’s kinda gross!

Crashed a friend's car? Yeah I have …errrr just a tiny little dent on the bumper yaar…. Okay why the hell am I being so honest???? after this no one will ever lend me their car… c’mon how will I learn then huh????

Stolen a car? Arey! I don’t even know how to drive leave alone steal it!!

Been in love?: hmmm the thought that “I am in love” did linger a couple of times, but now when I look back upon it, I don’t think I have ever been in lllllluurvvvvvvvee, infact I don’t think I can even define love properly!

Been dumped? Yup, wait we are talking about boyfriends na? Once…boooooohoooooo!!

Shoplifted? Yeah, stole a couple of Barbie stickers from a stationary shop, when I was in 3^rd or 4^th or so, after that… nope!!

Been in a fist fight? Yup in middle school, I was a strange combo of a geek and a bully during those days! That was some punch man, but I really got so scared when I saw blood oozing out from that girl’s nose, she tucked at my hair and… well finally we ended up running hand in hand in the grounds as punishment!

Snuck out of your parent's house? Well it means when they where at home or what?

Well no that never happened!

Had feelings for someone who didn't have them back? Yo!! That’s because the guy didn’t’ even know I exist :P, I was in 9^th and he was in 12^th what do u expect?

Been arrested? NOPE!! I am up to “bad” things sometimes and then not so bad and terrible

Gone on a blind date? Yup! And the poor guy kept stammering out of nervousness, and I tried to lift up his confidence but man was he thick! so I kinda got bugged in the end, I remember some common friend hooking us up for some silly reason, and yea he gave me a Cadbury dairy milk… hehe

Skipped school? Nah!! Was too geek for it maybe

Been on a plane? Yeah!! It’s fun!!

Seen someone die? Yes, my grand mom (mum’s mum), I was about 4 then

Been to Canada? Huh???? Weird question! The originator of this tag is in love with Canada or what? No I haven’t been there!

Purposely set a part of yourself on fire?: well on fire… not exactly, I was four and mom was doing her “pooja” and I touched the burning tip of the agarbatti and got a minute burn( god this is super lame I know!)

Been jet-skiing? Boooohoooooo nope!

Met someone in person from the Internet? Nope, internet is the last place I trust, man people tell me they in a “relationship” with someone they met on Orkut! HOW STUPID CAN YOU BE!! So basically not an entirely random person, but sometimes what happens is you end up meeting friend’s friends and all that, so thanks to Aditya I met Himanshu both from IITD

Taken pain killers? Yup! Like I simply have to, for at least a couple of times in a month

Flown a kite? Yes yes yes! Courtesy – All my guy friends in the locality, who finally realized that I am worth a lot more than just playing assistant to them by holding the thread roll (manja)

Built a sand castle? Yup! In Puri (heard of the Jagarnath Temple?), that’s a place in Orissa, amazing!

Gone puddle jumping? Yeaa man! It’s so much fun! You sometimes end up finding joy in the simplest things in life!

Cheated while playing a game? Yea am a goddamn sucker when it comes to cheating!!

Been lonely? You mean solitary and upset? Well yup sometimes and that’s the worst feeling ever! Otherwise being the only kid in the family I am more of a loner so I don’t mind being alone as such!

Fallen asleep at work or school/college?: I had once fallen asleep during my English paper when I was in class7th or 8^th, luckily this happened after I had completed the exam and gosh it was embarrassing! And in college physics lecture= nap time!

Used a fake ID? Yup! Cause I was made to for some “reasons”, did it twice, ended up going out with one of the guys (after he came know it was me o’course)

Felt an earthquake?: couple of times, yea I have, once it occurred during a bright Saturday morning, my dramatic neighbors were yelling their lungs out and I was still in bed and didn’t even bother to get up! How lethargic!

Touched a snake? when I was in Calcutta, I did see a few harmless ones, cause our house was close to some “green area” and no never touched one

Slept beneath the stars? Yup! Lovely experience, though the mosquitoes can be quite a nuisance

Been robbed? nah! Thank god! M lucky so far owing to the fact m really careless!

Been misunderstood? zillions and zillions of times!

Won a contest? quite a few actually, but nothing really big, unless you count in the essay which won me a silver in “ESPN my hero and me “ contest

Run a red light/stop sign: stop reminding me over and over again that I can’t drive hmmmmmpppphhhhh!!

Been suspended from school? no! I generally don’t break rules and if I do, I do it carefully and with a lot of planning (duh!)

Been in a car accident? no

Eaten a whole pint of ice cream in one night? nope! M trying to keep away from junk food as much as possible, so don’t give me evil ideas!

Walked the streets drunk? ohh err well not on the streets, but once we locality friends had a wild night as that day all of us had some reason to celebrate or the other, I drank half a bottle of vodka neat (we ran out of money to buy coke!), plus beer; “talli” is the word and we carpooled into a tiny maruti 800, n kept yelling and hooting at people, ended up blowing kisses to the guards and chokidaars, luckily the one driving was sane enough, and I am not proud of this incident what so ever

Had déjà vu? you bet!

Danced in the moonlight? Yup on my best friend’s bday…….if we r talking about a couple dance i.e.….

Witnessed a crime? Once I was walking down the lane to get to Aditya’s place and there was this thief who ran inside the apartment where Adi lived and he locked the main door, so basically it was a major fiasco and finally they caught the guy somehow and all this while I was stranded outside the flat….

Been obsessed with post-it notes? Well I would just buy the pads because they looked “cute” and never really got a chance to use them

Squished barefoot through the mud? yup! It’s dirty and crazy – no wonder I love doing it

Been lost? okay once my cousin and I, were talking down some dark lane and our parents where about 100yards or so behind us, well suddenly this mad dog came right after us, and it drove me out of my wits and I ran, and the dog went after my sister (who just stood there), my parents shooed it away and meanwhile I kept running and finally I realized I am dead lost… somehow dad found me

Been on the opposite side of the country? have been to kanyakumari, Vivekananda rock rather

Swum in the ocean? Now that I can swim well, the Goan experience (am yet to write a post about this) was T-E-R-R-I-F-I-C

Cried yourself to sleep? yea, a couple of times

Played cops and robbers? yea and cheated in that as well…..

Recently colored with crayons? yea! Am still found of coloring books!

Sung karaoke? yup, Avril Lavinge- skater boy, during some friends party

Paid for a meal with only coins? nah! I seriously don’t want the shopkeeper to give me murderous looks

Done something you told yourself you wouldn't? love this one, well that can I say, this is the way I live!

Made prank phone calls? yea, sometimes ended up beating the shit outta them! No kidding really I mean it!

Caught a snow flake on your tongue? I am not really fond of winters, and hence try to be away from cold places as much as possible, so snow is totally out of the picture

Written a letter to Santa Claus? Yea, asking for Harry potter / Daniel Radcliffe! (Sad that the order of phoenix was the biggest disappointment ever)

Blown bubbles? yup!! One was as big as my face, quite an achievement in the blowing bubble history!

Bonfire on the beach? na! Man I would love to!

Cheated on a test? not really in school, in college yes…( desperate situations… had to)

Gone skinny-dipping in a pool? Nope!!

I am going to be an angel this time as this is a really long tag am not going to take any names in particular, but mark my words it really fun to do, so please do give it a try!

DISTURBED,CHALLENGED,CONFUSED..... NO MORE!

2007-07-12T19:39:00.000+09:00

Open to a lot of options is even worse then no options at all, like you seriously don’t know what to pick and life gets so much harder, with people who judge you by every tiny little move you make, and with parents who are equally tensed about your future.

I got through NIFT Kolkata for B.FTech (bachelor in fashion technology) Apparel Production and you have as few as 240 seats (out of which 61 goes to SC, ST, and OBCs) . Well! Sounds really cool isn’t it! It may not be an IIT or IIM but still according to quite a few people it is pretty big, and for a person like me, a chemistry Hons. student who hates physics (it is a goddamn main paper you know!) and physical chemistry, it was pretty much like a dream come true.

I love literature, European, modern Indian, the queen’s English, you name it! So basically last year unlike a lot of people dying to do engineering (this includes those who have landed up in any nameless college, just coz a want a “tag” of being an engineer and …. Oh yes! Money! ) so yea as I was saying, last year I tried really hard to get English Hons. into a good co-ed college, co-ed because the environment in a girls college is “alien” it totally freaked me out when I went for those DU entrance exams and stuff, this explains why I didn’t join LSR or Miranda.

Unfortunately the cut offs for art courses is high for science students and I felt there is no point pursuing literature from any random college, and keeping in mind that I am, after all, a science student I moved to chemistry Hons. only to realize that there is hardly any scope of your input or creativity , yes this a rather silly statement, o’course you cannot be creative in science courses but then somehow the entire pattern got on my nerves, though I excelled in practicals ( you won’t believe the ways the geeks screwed them up!) but still it was obviously not what i wanted, and i was sure i can never make it to a good DU college for english as tradionally cut offs for arts and commerce increases year by year, so i just decided that might as well sit for NIFT, coz i guess it's better than chemistry for me any day...

However this year I was like literally bombarded with options; means I cleared NIFT and I was on the seventh heaven dancing with glee, but that the same time I was tortured by the idea of being away from home, parents, Delhi and most importantly ( yea that’s right) the North Campus! After a week from taking admissions in NIFT, I got through English Hons. in KMC and the days that followed after that were the hardest ever in my life;

“Go for NIFT, there is no comparison of English and NIFT”

“There are so many doing English Hons and there are really few who get through NIFT”

“You’ll have a secured future after NIFT, after BA you have to keep on studying”

“Why leave DU, why you wanna go out of Delhi?”

“You always loved English; you have a knack for it”

So this is basically what happens when you talk to so many people, especially when each of them believe that whatever advice they are giving is the most obvious thing to do.

I seriously considered the fact that I might as well lose whatever little hair am left with on my head in the process of deciding what to do!

The question here is about your passion and your secured future( and the NIFT label)

And it is not because I’ll have to leave Delhi or that after a year I am back again in DU.

The thing is I decided to follow what I always loved, reading, books and literature; I chose English , if you think I lost out on a “golden opportunity” or something, think again…..

There so many people out there doing things just cause they have to and not cause they want to, I know people doing certain courses just coz they want a “job” . I am not trying to say that money is not important, it surely is, but somehow I feel that you get motivated solely by your passion, money cannot motivate me to that extend as compared to what my interest can make me do, 4-5 years down the lane, I may not be rolling in dollars or pounds, but I would have the satisfaction that I am doing something which I love

In fact I would say, I feel sad for those people who don’t have any kind of drive in their lives, I feel sad for those who realized their dreams when it was far too late!

Initially as I said I was far too confused but now when I think of it, I can picture everything clearly; those who recommended me to go for NIFT where the ones basically who are into vocational/ technical courses and most of them are in their respective colleges coz the college has so called “amazing placements”, so basically they were the ones who believed a job, a secure future and money is more important then your “so called love for literature” the other half ( including my parents) suggested that I should stick to English , they were the one’s who believed in pursuing what you truly love as that will make you strive harder and you will achieve more and better…

Really you know my mind drew on to a terrorizing halt for a day or so I was totally blank, but then everything became so simple all of a sudden, all this while I was thinking; English or NIFT, English or NIFT, well its always English first isn’t it????/ I always gave English the first thought when it I was trying to select from them, I did not feel sad on losing out on the technology course, but I flinched at the thought of letting go of my subject all over again, so is it just coz of the tag name? Isn’t that stupid??? Just going there coz of the mere fact that it’s NIFT? Well maybe for most of you just the fact that it’s NIFT might be enough but for me it isn’t, as for fashion I guess it’s only cool when I go on a shopping spree, just sitting behind a desk and checking out fabric and learning all that java and c++ nonsense is so not my thing, running the machines and quality check, all this doesn’t leave much space for creativity either (my course wasn’t a “design” course it was a production course, hope that makes it clear)

You know what, I actually feel quite proud of myself (so much for being modest...) that I have the guts to follow my dreams no matter what, the fact that I can see beyond just money and job and brand names, guess I am not that much of a loser as you think I am…..

Don’t be sad people I may not be able to give you discount coupons for Shopper’s Shop or whatever, but then do keep a check on the newspapers and magazines, you might just spot my name in the HT or TOI or even WSJ? Or maybe even in Elle or Vogue or Cosmo…. Ahh ok I’ll shut up for your sake, but just out of curiosity –

“Money, job and the brand tag or your dreams” what are you gonna pick?

OF UGLINESS ......

2007-07-07T17:27:00.000+09:00

It wasn’t easy to pay attention in English class. Our yearbooks had just been passed out, so while the teacher droned on, we were quietly signing books and passing them around the room

Mine was somewhere at the back of the class. I couldn’t wait to get it back. What would my friends say of me? Would there be words of praise? Admiration? When class got over, I quickly found my yearbook. And then it caught my eye: someone had written large words across the last page of my book: HI THERE UGLY!

I had never really considered whether or not I was “good looking” but now I knew. I was ugly, if someone at the back of that grade-four class thought I was ugly; there were probably many who agreed. I studied myself in the mirror: big nose, freckles, slightly overweight, not athletic. Yes it must be true, I thought. I’m ugly. I told no one any of this. There seemed to be no need. It was a fact: I was ugly.

Years went by and I got my (in literally the truest sense) first bestfriends, yes you read it right; “friends” like someone I would totally connect with! And it still never fails to surprise me; how!?! 9^th grade, house vice-captain, one of the smart kids, good in extra curriculum, wow! Can life be so good for someone like me?

Ankit and Swati were amazing and I would keep telling them so more then often and I meant it. Ankit would reply, “and you’re so cute” I never looked him in the eyes when he said this. I felt it was one of those things bestfriends “have to say” to their bestfriends. I would simply look down and remember that the true verdict on my looks was tucked away in my fourth grade yearbook. Swati would keep telling me that she loved my style and I would simply laugh it off, she would even try to look like my “Xerox” or something, if today somebody did something like this i would be be pissed but on the contrary I used to be surprised; “why the hell is she trying to be like me out of all people”

One day Ankit asked, “Why is it that you never look at me when I say you’re pretty?
I decided to tell him about the yearbook and my conclusions. “You can’t believe that! It’s wrong! Somebody who didn’t even know you in fourth grade can’t be taken seriously!”

I was still not utterly convinced I poured to story out to Swati and the chat I add with Ankit and she said “I know you and I am with you, I think you’re pretty and adorable and I think I’ve proved that” so was I going to believe her… or that old graffiti?

I thought about that question for a long time and about how God doesn’t make junk. Who was I going to believe? I chose to believe them and God.

I still have a big nose, though I have shed the extra pounds, but thanks to my everyday routine at the end of the day I do end up looking like “Medusa” and you could probably find people who would say that I am ugly. But I’m not one of them! And thanks you two that was the best moral boast ever…..

As time goes on and I listen more and more to those who love me, like me and know me well, & I know I am pretty…

Every day is so wonderful
And suddenly, you see debris
Now and then, you get insecure
From all the pain, you're so ashamed

To all your friends, you're delirious
So consumed in all your doom
Trying hard to fill the emptiness
The piece is gone left the puzzle undone
That's the way it is

No matter what we do
No matter what they say
When the sun is shining through
Then the clouds won't stay

And everywhere we go
The sun won't always shine
But tomorrow will find a way
All the other times

You are beautiful no matter what they say
Words can't bring you down
You are beautiful in every single way
Yes, words can't bring you down
Don't you bring me down today...

FAVORITE BOOK CHARACTERS ( TAG 4)

2007-07-05T01:31:00.000+09:00

My favorite book characters……

This is my fourth tag, got this one from Jahnabi, and since she was quick enough to do her tags, I decided to be on it as well

So basically am supposed to pick 5 characters which is super hard as I am a total book nerd so yea I mite just exceed the limit so forgive me for that

1) Becky (Rebecca Bloomwood nee’ Brandon) from The Shopaholic Series – the reason why am so found of her is because she is a complete replica of my character (excluding the fact that she has a really hot, multimillionaire husband ) , both of us think and talk alike, so basically when I read the book I feel I have psychic power or something as I can predict what she’s gonna do next

2) The Weasley Twins, Fred & George from The Harry Potter Series- am always at a loss of words for these two, mind blowing and superb, their gags are just hilarious, specially the one they pulled out on Umbridge and their tricks and all that crazy cool stuff in their shop! They are just sooooooooooo cool!!! Ahh bravo!

3) Gandalf the wizard and Legolas the elf from The Lord of the Rings Series - the reason I have put these two together is because they are from the same trilogy, anyone who has read LOTR knows that there are about a zillion characters but for me these two stand out; Gandalf for obvious reasons, he is like the “savior” and Legolas coz well he’s an amazing archer, and amongst the trio of Aragon, Gimli and Legolas; I think Legolas deserved a little bit of more importance than he actually got!

4) Feluda the detective by Satyajit Ray – hats of to the desi Sherlock Holmes! Cheers!

5) Robin Hood from Robin Hood by Georgina Hargreaves – daring in fight, wonderful archer, great sportsman, stern to the evil – doer he robs, he is generous to the poor and protects the women, god really he can totally do with men like him in today’s world

6) Mr. Braithwaite from To Sir With love – if only teachers were this great today…….

7) Hamlet from Hamlet by Shakespeare – the story comes second in line after The Tempest; which according to me is the best Shakespeare has ever written, though hamlet would be the pick among the characters coz you know the way he avenges for his father’s murder under the given circumstances, full of hatred for his uncle and loathing for his mother who married his father’s murderer!

I would like to mention one thing, the reason I din mention Harry Potter is far too obvious, like come on he’s so out of the league, I mean I love him, okay I know I sound corny but like if you really know me, you would know what I am talking about

Now for the passing on the tag bit…. Okay so I would like to tag…. Memyself_n_i, Nishi, Rohit, Shreyas,Ankit,Simply J and Ady (ha! Gotcha! Ok ok you don’t have to do it if you don’t want to)

SOMEBODY LOVES YOU

2007-06-23T16:31:00.002+09:00

“Don’t forget to be kind to strangers. For some who have done this have entertained angels without realizing it.”

Hebrews 13:2

One miserable rainy night, a man decided to end his life. In this mid-fifties, he had never been married, had never experienced the joy of having children or spending holidays with family. Both his parents were dead for seven years. He had a sister but had lost contact with her. He had a menial job that left him unfulfilled. Wet and unhappy, he walked the streets, feeling as if there was nobody in the entire world that cared if he lived or died.

On that same soggy night, I was sitting in my room watching the rain hit my window. I was six years old and my life revolved around my Barbie collection, I was dreaming of the day when I would have enough money to add Rapunzel to my doll house, to help me make money, my dad paid me to jog with him, everyday at 7 o’clock, we jogged together and everyday I was 10 rupees closer to my Rapunzel.

When I heard the doorbell ring, I ran into the living room, my mother was already at the door. Opening it, she found herself face to face with a very disheveled looking man with tears streaming down his face, my mother, overcome with pity, invited him in and he sat with my parents in our living room.

Curious, I edged a little closer, to get a better look. I couldn’t understand what they were saying, but the sight of the rumpled ran, holding his head in his hands and crying made my chest ache. I raced back into my room and stuck my hand into my money jar, pulled out the 250 odd rupees I had earned till then and ran back, when I reached the door of the living room, I walked right in, the three adults looked at me in surprise as I quickly made my way over to the stranger, I put the money in his hand and told him I wanted him to have it. Then I gave him a hug and turned and ran as fast as I could out of the room; I felt embarrassed and yet happy.

The man sat quietly with his head bowed, tears streamed down his face as he tightly clutched the notes, he said, “It’s just that I thought nobody cared. For the last twenty years, I have been so alone, that was the first hug I have gotten in- I don’t know how long. It’s hard to believe that somebody cares. “

His life changed that night. When he left our house, he was ready to live instead of die. Although we never saw him again, we received letters from him every once in awhile, letting us know that he was doing fine.

Being a six year old, I hadn’t thought about what I was doing that night. I had just reacted to the sight of someone else’s pain. On our morning jogs, my dad and I had talked about the importance of giving, but I hadn’t had any idea what it really meant. My life changed that night too, as I witnessed the true healing power of giving. Even if it’s a tiny gift of Rs 250/-

Before the man left, my parents asked him why he had knocked on our door. He said that as he’d walked the streets that rainy night, hopeless and unhappy, he noticed a bumper sticker on a car and wondered about the people who lived in the house where the car was parked. Then, in a fog of unhappiness, he had made his way to the front door. It’s hard to imagine that a bumper sticker and a hug could change two people’s lives, but somehow they did.

The bumper sticker on the car read: SOMEBODY LOVES YOU. The car however belonged to our neighbors….

PS: am sorry to all those who feel that this post was kinda similar to my previous blogs, but thanks for reading it anyway! cheers!

ON THE FLIGHT TO GOA

2007-06-22T19:47:00.000+09:00

Last week, I went to Goa with family friends and through out the flight my mom who is shit scared of heights, sat like a stone with her eyes closed, the look on her face was hilarious, sorry for being mean, but yea that look was something, anyway so there was this little girl seated before us and you know how kids are like; she was going on and on, and man even my ipod won’t cut her voice out, and that was freaking annoying, all this while the plane was gaining height and finally it got steady, and the little girls mumbles out, “mummy hum bhagwaan ke pass rahe hai na?” I couldn’t help but smile; bhagwaan ke pass jana, that’s something like you die and then you go to heaven, and the kid thought we are flying off to heaven, ok so that was an innocent remark, and “the look” on my mom’s face was still stuck here and now looked even more… err noticeable!

Suddenly I my mind drifted to the Looney Toons Cartoons (I know my mind jumps from one topic to the other which have no possible or sane connection what so ever!) like the Road Runner, Bugs Bunny, Daffy Duck,Tweety,Sylvester,Marvin the Martian; basically those cartoons which goes against the laws of physics (no wonder I love them! ) and I got this idea about “Last Words” like you know funny things people ( cartoons) say before they drop dead or basically the funny situations , like when an ACNE time bomb blows up in Daffy’s face.

So here’s the list of some “famous last words” I penned during the flight to Goa

"Oh my God!"
- "Jesus Christ!"
- "I know Bob said it looks like real dynamite."
- "Of course it's sturdy."
- "The pin was in there seven seconds ago." (Note: grenades go off after eight seconds)
- " huh!?! What truck?"
- "What could go wrong?"
- "Oops..."
- "I think I turned it off."
- "I'm wot runk."
- "What does this button do?"
- "Do you smell smoke?"
- "Aaaaiieeeeeeee!!!"
- "Auggh!"
- "Oh sh-"
- "Don't worry. It's not loaded."
- "It's perfectly safe."
- "Welcome [hic] aboard. This is [hic] your, um, captain. [Hic]"
- "I've done this opperation twice already!"
- "Why, the next time I see that axe murderer...."
- "Whoops, I dropped my wallet on the rail tracks..."
- "Where's my parachute?"
- "No! Not THAT button!"
- "Daddy, what happens if my foot is stuck in the escalator?"
- "I can't swim!"
- "I have complete confidence that Joe can stop them... Oh, hi Joe."
- "Where's my pet tarantula?"
- "What are you going to do, kill me?"
- "I’ll dive anyway. A couple of cookies just a few minutes ago won't harm"
- "shit!!The red wire doesn’t go with the green wire?????"
- "Wow, honey... Are you fat or what?!"
- "Ah... ooooh.... aaaahhh... Oohhhhhhh... Betty... Err Susan err Suzy …. Sorry I mean Sophie"
- "Nice doggie, nice doggie"
- "Don't worry; the ice is thick enough"
- "Is that snake poisonous?"
- "I wonder if I can speed up to 160 mph"
- "Hmmm... best before 31/12/1980..."
- "Relax... I've done this before."
- "...I’ll volunteer for that circus lion trick"
- "3, 2, 1, bungeeeeeeeeee...."
- "what a beautiful baby bear... I wonder where its mother is...”
- "Watch this..."
- "Of course it's a bulletproof vest. Just shoot me and you see for yourself"
- "Looks good to me..."
- "You won't get me alive"

After I finished it, I showed it to my mum and all she did was roll her eyes but thankfully the look from her face was gone; Panaji airport was tiny but beautiful, and Goa was heaven, I’ll soon post about my Goan experience (the ultimate thing with me dancing on “babuji zaara dheere” in front of 300 odd people on the Paradise Cruise)

But for now, “that’s all folks!” ;)

PONDERING AWAY...

2007-06-14T18:35:00.000+09:00

I sat rooted in front of the television; oh no! Oh shit! Suhit’s voted out from Indian Idol, now before you guys jump to any conclusions, I think the Indian reality shows are made so goddamn dramatic that they totally turn me off, however last Thursday my sister who is a devout follower of the show came over to my place and I ended up watching it along with her, that’s when I saw this heavy metal rocker, and looking at the standard of singers cum performers in the show, he was awesome, and well nobody really liked him cause I guess not many viewers are into western music leave alone thrash metal, rock or whatever!

But that baby had it; style and personality, so yea I finally had to go against my principles and decided to watch the show regularly for him, and on the third night from then, he was voted out, I was surprised at the fact that I was crying, am I obsessed? No no, I am just upset, but it’s just been three days I saw this guy that too on TV and am crying... I think I am really mentally stunted….. God no way!

I called my friend up and told her about it, she started laughing at the crying bit (infact everyone who heard about it, did) and she used the same words obsessed and mentally stunted, after that I err went on a kind of a survey asking my close friends about this, and every one of them ended up saying the same; you’re kinda cranky and weird, gullible and you have obsessions and with obsessions we mean OBSESSIONS!

Somehow I can’t believe it, hmm to be frank I don’t want to believe it, obsession is similar to weakness, and I hate this word, anyway I was too busy grieving about Suhit to think about myself, plus I had to finish this book… ahem… “Shopaholic”, Becky (the main character) was so much like me, I loved that book, it’s like I already knew what she’s gonna do next, it was so much like reading about myself, and pity she only tried to help people and ended up screwing things instead, pity that her husband didn’t kiss her goodbye and she thought her marriage is in ruins, she left her home, god! I would have done the same, but after looking at it on the whole I realized what she did was wrong, but then I would have done the same as she did

I started having doubts that am I really like her? Yea I am; I heard a small voice in my head, I read the book again, keeping a neutral view and realized that I too end up taking irrational and extreme steps which are generally not required, I am gullible and I am obsessed But I quickly get over them as well, but when I do something I really do it, and when I want something I want it bad, sounds childish, yea I won’t argue I do get offended and emotional on small and useless issues, maybe that’s why people find me mentally stunted

But this is me, and I don’t think I can change, maybe with time I would, I am not writing this cause I am upset or whatever , I wrote this cause I discovered something about my myself or rather now I accept the fact about what I am and I am glad that my friends take me as I am excluding the occasional complains about my silly ways, like spending and ridiculous things I end up doing cause of some celebrity crush ( trust me you have no idea what extends I have gone up to) so thank you everyone for putting up with me, but hey I put up with u guys as well , don’t I? :p

THE YOGA CLASS: WHAT NOT TO DO THERE

2007-06-07T02:25:00.000+09:00

Ok! I can do this. No problem

It’s simply a matter of letting my higher self take over, achieving enlightenment, & becoming a radiant being of white light…. Wait… what am I saying?

Surreptitiously I adjust myself on my yoga mat; I am sitting in the Sports and Health club, Saket, I can see bright colors of the evening sun, and if I swivel my head a little I can get a glimpse of the tennis lawns, and when I swivel my head even further, I can see Ankit, my close, fresh from NZ friend, in the cut-off linen trousers and tatty old t-shirt, sitting cross legged, eyes closed…. I know! It’s unbelievable. After around 4 months of staying away from home( & country) he has turned to be a completely different person, thankfully just in terms of looks, tanned and lean, long hair and sun-bleached; as though he can feel my gaze, he opens his eyes and smiles and I beam back happily

“Siddhasana” our yoga teacher said, “clear your minds of all extraneous thought”

I don’t want to boast, but I find clearing my mind pretty easy, I don’t quite get why anyone would find it difficult! I mean, not thinking has to be a lot easier than thinking, doesn’t it?

“Focus on your breathing” the teacher said

Breathe in… breathe out… breathe in…

The college ratings just came out in the new India Today edition and Miranda ahead of Hansraj in science HAHAHA what rubbish! Some one should see the cut offs to start with and then….

“Arunima” my teachers’ voice made me jump, standing in front of me, gazing at me with his all-knowing look he has got “you do very well; you have a beautiful spirit, unworldly soul”

I feel a sparkle of delight all over, I, Arunima, have a beautiful spirit! I knew it! I stare back totally mesmerized “material possession aren’t important to me” I say breathlessly. “All that matters is yoga”

“You have found your path” my teacher said

There’s an odd kind of snorting sound from Ankit’s direction, and I look round to see him glancing over us in amusement, I knew it! That stupid jerk! Well I know he was just jealous and sceptic! So he thinks all I can think of is brands and books and drama and guys (well Orlando Bloom is hot!), no sir!! I’ll show you mate!! And me being a shopaholic is a big fat lie (maybe not that fat, but a lie is a lie)

“Soon you’ll be walking on hot coals” my teacher gestures, ashy coals, a nervous laugh goes around the group, the said teacher sometime before they might just demonstrate it someday, this is what we all should be aiming for, apparently you attain a state a bliss so great you can’t actually feel the coals burning your feet. You’re totally pain free!

Psssstt; what I am secretly hoping is, it’ll work when I wear six-inch stilettos, too!

We move to vajrasana pose, I see a tiny man carrying some bags, my teacher and the guy has a brief conversation and the man trudges away again, “this man was trying to sell necklaces and bracelets in half rates, I told him you have minds on higher things” the teacher explained. Oh come on! A little bit of jewellery shopping won’t do any harm and in D.U. you need to be in sync with all this, you simply can’t afford to commit fashion suicide! And hey wait a minute; nobody else seems to be thinking my way, infact they agree with the teacher, uff ignorant silly people, and Ankit sees the expressions change on my face and starts grinning, I know that you know what I am thinking about, so cut it out, you’re making me mad!

“These people don’t understand that meditation is food for your soul, fake sapphire bracelet, aquamarine pendant, beads and metal and oxidized silver, how does this compare to your inner enlightenment?” the annoying teacher goes on…..

Aquamarine??? Wow. I wonder how much- not that I am interested, just out of academic interest, chemistry student remember?

My eyes drift towards the guy’s retreating figure, “he kept repeating; half the rates, half the rates” the teacher shakes his head

Oh god! That’s cheap! Stop it! Stop it! I am here for spiritual enlightenment not some stupid aquamarine!

Anyway the man is really gone now, “and now” the teacher smiles, “the halasana pose. Arunima demonstrate”

“Absolutely” I smiled back, but something is wrong, I don’t feel contentment, I don’t fell tranquility. The oddest feeling is welling up inside me, driving everything out; it’s getting stronger and stronger…

and suddenly I can’t contain it anymore, before I know what’s happening, I’m running in bare feet as fast as I can towards the man, my lungs are burning and my feet are smarting, shit! I don’t believe it he’s gone, where did he vanish to?

I stand there for few moments, regaining my breath, peering in all directions, I make my way back, and I damn it... am I in trouble? You bet!

“Err…. I heard a voice inside my head no I mean heart… yea so it was calling me… it was my soul calling me , I was in a trance, so I ran, umm sorry…”I explain, And the teacher believes it! So not so unlucky day after all, “aren’t your feet hurting?” Ankit chipps in, I see myself standing on the marble, which is supposed to be terribly hot cause of the sun, but somehow I don’t feel anything

“I can answer that” the teacher said, “she was concentrating on one goal, one pure image and this has driven her body achieve a supernatural state. Karmic bliss”

Huh!?! Ok if u say so! “It was nothing really” I say with a modest smile. “Just you know spiritual enlightenment.”

“Was it a white light” someone enquired

“Was it a kind of shiny blue- green?” comes Ankit’s voice from back, I look at him sharply, he’s gazing totally straight faced

“I don’t remember” I say in dignified tones “it ain’t important”

“Did it feel like …” Ankit appears to think hard. “Like the links of a chain were pulling you along?”

“No” I say shortly “it didn’t, actually, I think you probably have to have a higher appreciation of spiritual matters to understand.”

“I see” Ankit nods gravely

“Ankit you must be really proud” the teacher beams at him. “Isn’t this the most extraordinary thing you have seen your friend do?”

“Sir” he says, “take it from me. This is nothing”

“Greetings O Spiritual One” says Ankit as I get into the car; finally the crazy class is over!

“You’re just jealous because you don’t have a beautiful spirit” I retort

“Insanely” agrees Ankit; both of us look at each other and we start laughing our heads off. Ouch!! My feet …..! And yeah… no yoga for me anymore!

The TAGS #2 & #3

2007-05-31T21:14:00.000+09:00

One down two more go, yup that’s right am talking about the “tags” :D

By the way all of you can give me some credit for doing them so quickly! And no it's not because I was desperate about doing them, okay maybe a little but not “desperate- DESPERATE” err hope you get what I mean! So then, moving on; both the tags are tagged by memyself_n_i:-

# 8 things I like about summer:

1) No ugly looking and shapeless sweaters and jackets (uuurrggghhh!!), I don’t have to carry four layers of clothing on myself, and that’s a big relief, and yea summer is the time to flaunt your style statement for me!

2) I think summer makes me active, I can indulge myself in several activities (which helps me burn calories and hence allowing me to gorge into junk food without feeling guilty :p) & I find it a lot easier to go out of the house in the heat rather than in the freezing cold I feel dead lazy during winters and I hate that, as a person who loves to “sprint around” I take summers over winters any day!

3) Loads of stuff to do related to water, hours of swimming, and err hours in the shower accompanied with tuneless (and loud) singing (my humble apologies to Avril Lavigne, Kelly Clarkson, PCD, Nickleback, and Nelly Furtado etc. for err destroying their songs!) and all you can mange to do in the winters is shudder, leave alone any kind of fun with water

4) Litchi, litchi and well more litchi! That’s my favorite fruit and it’s so unfortunate that it’s just available for about a month! (*sob*sob*)

5) All my friends (basically the locality ones) are back for their summer holidays from their various colleges, and it’s so much fun; all of us together, all over again, just like the good old days! God! How I missed them!

6) My birthday;… right! This sounds stupid! But then the get together and gifts and the parties are always welcome, ain’t it??? And yes thanks maa and baba for the amazing ipod!

7) Morning walks and late night strolls, and the cool breeze…. I find that really pleasant and even refreshing and definitely better than the winter mornings and nights!

8) This may sound weird but I love to get all dirty and sweaty in the evenings during a wild game of baddy, table tennis, basketball( am still trying to get better at this, but damn my height!) and then go back home and take a cool bath!

# 5 things you don’t know about me!

1) I simply can’t do one thing at a time, I am generally doing two things at the same time, in fact I don’t think I can survive without multitasking, right now I am listening to my ipod, typing this down, and washing clothes in the machine :D

2) I am really double minded and well you can say more of a “split personality” , I am really indecisive but in the end I do manage to take pretty firm decisions, I cry easily but sometimes I feel stronger than ever, really you know I am having a hard time understanding myself!

3) I am a dreamer, most of the times I am lost in my own world, in my thoughts, some absurd and some real, I think this plays a major part in what I am today!

4) My “I don’t give a damn to what you think” and “I do my own thing” attitude or rather I would say that’s my mantra for life, helps me be happy , I feel glad that I am not one of the idiots who stop themselves from doing things as they are more worried about what others might think and the ones who give up on their own identify just cause they wanna “fit in”, this gave me the tag of “punk” and I am really cool with it!

5) I am a sucker for books, branded accessories (if not clothes) and Harry Potter (I simply had to mention him!), oh that reminds me I generally end up relating any cute guy with specs and wavy hair as “Harry Potter” and by now my friends are probably sick of this !

Yaayyy!! Am done with all the tags! And I wanna pass on the tags (both of them) to Aditya, Nishi, Shreyas, Ankit and Rohit! (And please try not to delay them for months)

The TAG # 1

2007-05-31T18:39:00.000+09:00

So finally I get to do my first tag, thanks to Ady :)

“25 things I wanna do before I die”: here goes ~

1) Become a successful science journalist and work for the magazine “Nature”

2) Do something significant or excel in E.C.A ( extra curriculum activities ) like drama or music on behalf of my college or maybe even later if possible

3) Learn baseball and play it well! ( American desi …duh!!:p )

4) Learn tae kwon-do

5) Visit Hawaii and do the “Hula”

6) Do all sorts of extreme sports related to water and ice; snow boarding, skiing, surfing, ice climbing,& scuba diving( am not sure if this is an extreme sport though )

7) Get a tattoo on my right arm

8) Master at least three musical instruments; I think am reasonably good at piano, currently working my butt off on drums, and planning to move on to acoustic guitar

9) Own 10 different types of pets ( not at the same time o’course)

10) Go on a safari

11) Visit the world’s best museums; Lourve in Paris, British museum and the natural history museum, London, the Vaticans, Rome and the Prado,Madrid… I can go on and on!

12) Go to Disney land and Hollywood; I can kill to get into the Disney studios :p

13) Dive/jump into the ocean/sea from the highest possible point

14) Own a penthouse and a Porsche ( dreaming dreaming dreaming)

15) Read as many books as possible , lets say at least 50 to 75 a year and visit the best libraries around the globe

16) Own a wardrobe full of branded clothes and accessories; D&G, Calvin Klein, Gucci,Vercase, Louis Vuitton, Tommy Hilfiger,… and well whatever I can lay my hands on and err when I have enough money

17) Eradicate poverty and hunger from the face of this earth ; this is rather impossible but whatever little I can contribute towards this cause I would

18) Visit Bangladesh, along with my parents and go to the town where my ancestors dwelled

19) Take a luxury yacht cruise; would love to visit the great barrier reef

20) Wear a white wedding gown and dance around in the rain or on the beach on a star lit night

21) Attend a concert, opera and a formal ball

22) Live in Australia for at least two months.

23) Taste each and every cuisine in the world!

24) Buy an island and name it after my parents; our very own private family island :P (ridiculously insane; that’s me!)

25) Most importantly, make my parents proud and happy , its hard to repay them back for all the sacrifices they had made for me but still I would do my best to make their sacrifices worth it!

I guess, that’s it,:) had to leave out a number of things (*sigh*) and now for passing on the tag part; well I know most of you must have done it, so am not gonna tag anyone in particular , but then anyone who wants to do it please go ahead!

THE DARK SIDE OF COLOR

2007-05-27T02:10:00.000+09:00

pheww!! update after a long time! and err this post might turn out to be a bit nasty as i am not excalty in the best of my moods right now( yeah ok, one of my spiteful moods! rather)so by just picking up a random(hopefully not useless) topic,i took refuge in blogging;now please bear me like you always do, once again :)

Before I start:-

If you are a boy and think only fair girls are better and cute, hot or sexy or whatever! ( and I am sustaining myself from adding if u prefer “fair” girls cause it’s matter of choice) kindly buzz of from my blog

If you’re a girl, and you think on the similar lines( yes even any where near to it, that includes you being better than the rest coz...ah you get that right?)you can do the same as mentioned above

Thanks !

Wow! That felt good, and now let me continue for all those who are still reading:-

“I want a girlfriend who is fairer than I am” these are the words spoken by a not-so-smart self obsessed bastard I once knew, I mean would you believe it, he wants a fair chick! Wow! That’s really something for a relationship ain’t it?????Duh!!

“I hate swimming yaar; I don’t wanna ruin my complexion”- cool you are ready to die drowning at least your corpse would look fair and beautiful, just the ultimate thing you want!

“Well, girls should be fair and finally after all the bleaching I guess am at least as light skinned as a girl should be, plus I don’t wanna look darker than my guy”- a remarkable dialogue by my friend( yeah I don’t believe I know such err interesting people) please someone enlighten my poor ignorant soul what will happen if your boyfriend is fairer than you are, and is there a parameter to measure out how fair a girl is supposed to be, if so I think I am from a different era after all.

“The only thing good about her/him is that she/he is fair”, “well to start with, he/she is fair” – some random remark I have heard a zillion times when there is any kind of mundane discussion about how attractive a person is! What exactly is so good about being light skin? Does that make you a better person? Does your fair skin help in solving some goddamn problem and please don’t dare me “it looks nice” shit!

“Ok tell me this girl/guy you want me to meet is she/he fair, coz I certainly hope so”, “I want a pretty/cute guy/girl, fair preferably” –so! Fair girl is preferred eh? The fair skin reminds you of vanilla ice-cream? And are you blessed with “looks to die for”?? What bigtime nonsense

“Oh god! Please lets avoid the sun, or else I’ll go dark” – silly bitch if you’re fair changes are less you’ll literally turn “dark”, to the maximum you’ll end up turning red/pink and worse look like a pig and anyway what are you? Cinderella? Let me tell you Pocahontas wasn’t ugly looking either!

“A****” asked you out? How come?? I mean… he’s really fair and cute and well you……” – this got on my nerves; yes honey a guy asked me out, he is fair and I am not .unbelievable!! Absolutely!! Just that he is a bit smarter than you are and his thinking goes beyond your oh-so-sophisticated one and he knows that there more things in a person than the skin color!

“She is has a pretty face but she is dark” a guy from my school made this comment; - it’s ok dude, I wont date a loser like you anyway!( if you are my school you’ll know who I am talking about)

“oooooo look at her/him she/he is so fair, I wish I was like said/I am so jealous” – you need some serious thoughts about what all crap you are concerned about or may be you are just brain dead(*sigh*)!

Feeling intimidated because someone is fair and you are not?? Really people don’t have you better issues to think or talk/discuss or worry about? Something a little more same and worthwhile and useful!

Seriously people what crap is this???? What the hell is wrong with somebody’s complexion! I am a Bengali, and yes I have a typical Bengali complexion; more on the darker side, and I can say proudly I am much better off then tons of fair girls out there, I am proud of whatever my genome, chromosome, gene (or whatever) made out of me! Hell proud I am, sounding like a self obsessed bitch? If that’s so then cool! But at least I don’t feel inferior to “fair people” (even though a number of them live in an illusion that fairness is some kind of bliss to them and hence the feeling of superiority creeps into their tiny little heads)

Somehow even if you don’t’ mind your complexion, people tend to make you feel that way, as kids most of us were vulnerable to these things, people calling you names cause you’re dark,( or ugly or fat) sure hurts, not being the centre of attraction among some brainless,just-go-4-looks guys might as well cause more damage, and then we become so-called matured, the taunts and teasing cease , but you it’s still there, just that you don’t need to say it loud in public anymore! All this is so pointless and irrelevant, and still I am compelled to write on this topic

It’s really sad to see girls being turned down in various situations cause they are dark, why does being pretty has to start with being fair? Why does all the Brahmin, Hindu, Muslim, Punjabi, Bengali, etc family want a fair bride? What’s up with the whole color thing anyway? Why such importance to such silly thing? And it’s really dumb and even sick to see dark girls falling low of self confidence, this is soooooo not needed really!

This is something you cannot change and in fact why the hell do you feel the need to change the way you look? What is the big fucking deal?

You know what surprises me the most? How come companies like “fair and lovely” etc are still running leave alone successful!

Remember the ads?? – A girl uses this so called get-fair-in-6weeks (or whatever) lotion and she ends up as a airhostess, a model and what not, just cause she is fair! Uff! Two words- “reality check”! I know it’s the birth right of the ad agencies to show all kind of false and unnatural stuff in there ads, but come on! This is way beyond dumbness!

And the recent ad, “girl goes to boy’s house for “rishta”, the boy gets the tea, sings, and dances around like a fool (things which girls supposedly did- I guess years ago though) cause now after using the fairness lotion the girl looks so pretty that the boy has to do al this stuff to win her heart uuurrggghhh!!. There you go “fair and lovely” has done it again!(*shudder*shudder*) God!! really brands like these disgust me, they make people feel dark is like something equivalent to ugly and fairness is the only thing the world than do with! And girls still use it, most of them I know are engulfed in the I-want-to-be-fair freak show cause they want to please some guy; really someone please make them think reasonably, do you really wanna out with a guy who just wants you for your looks, I mean even in a casual fling, I think you date a person for what she/he is, or how compatible you two are, the whole “wanna bang some hot dude/sexy babe” is much to ridiculous to digest! And guys “just a pretty face” is just not enough, unless o’course you are too thick to think or go beyond that.

JUST A SMILE...

2007-05-21T23:49:00.000+09:00

Waiting tensely in the cultural hall, I could hardly control the knot of nervous excitement forming in my gut. It was my first time with the Durga Pooja committee – youth group, to feed the homeless, and I’d been given the hardest job of all (well it did seem so then!) over a dozen tables in careful rows crowded in that room, and I was my job to stand in the center, where I could see every table, telling new people to come in and fill in the seats the others emptied

I was thrilled and eager to be doing something, helping the people in need, I was goddamn nervous and curious, what would these people be like? I knew I was doing good and that I can learn a lot from these experiences; hands-on work, but along with that zealous enthusiasm to broaden my perspective there tugged the urgent voice of a girl asking me to hide!

There was no turning back now, it was time, people started pouring in, the seniors , who were always the first to be served, they immediately started filling the complimentary plastics bags with portable food items such as cookies and rolls. I watched with a kind of naïve awe, searching their faces, wondering what were their reasons for living this way, imagining what it would be like living 24 hours a day on the dirty streets

I was fidgety, having a little to do at this time except wait for the first round to finish their meal, so I focused on the advice of the group director, “lots of them come here as much to see a friendly face as to eat the food so don’t be afraid to smile.”

This I could handle, smiling the warmest, most sincere smile I could muster, I caught the eyes of every person I could and though few smiled back, I felt good about it.

One old man with tufts of white/Grayish hair sticking out from weird angles all over his head kept looking at me with an amused and wondering expression, tiny black eyes, wrinkled and yellowish skin, he beamed at me with a childlike simplicity, I was greatly touched by his evident pleasure at alternately taking in spoonful of doi and staring at my face. When he motioned me to come over to him, I was kinda taken aback, his speech was slow and gentle and he appeared weak, he took my hand in his rugged one and said lovingly “Mamuni, ekta kotha jighesa korte pari?” {Girl (mamuni is a term used in a loving manner for girls), can I ask u something?} “tomar mishti hashi tar jhono ki di ammi tomake?” (What am I supposed to give you for that sweet smile of yours?)

In a laughing rush I told him, “kicho na dadu” (nothing) and that old smile grew even more wide and amazed, “accha tai? Talle tumi arek bar amar jhono hashe dao toh” (oh then, for me, give me your smile again)

I gave a helpless blush. He told me that as long as he remembers the smile, he’ll be just fine.

I thought, me too, sometimes that’s all it takes.

THE EXPLICIT EVIL..(not!) ~~ PORNO

2007-05-14T18:49:00.000+09:00

There are certain things which are over hyped/over rated and yet it’s best if they are kept under cover (at least in our country)

Everyone knows about it, many love it and some don’t (it can be vice-versa though), some think it's absolutely natural and some believe its an unnecessary evil, for few (or many actually!) its essential and for the rest its something which is polluting the society, the minds of the people, and yet it’s everywhere, any guesses what I am talking about??????

The word is “porn”, if you hate me for writing on this topic, then I am sorry and you can leave! But I simply had to:-

Pornography, sometimes shortened to porn or porno, is, in its broadest state, the explicit representation of the huma body or sexual activity with the goal of sexual arousal. It is similar to, but arguably distinct from,erotica, which is the use of sexually-arousing imagery used mainly for artistic purpose. Over the past few decades, an immense industry for the production and consumption of pornography has grown, due to emergence of the VCR, the DVD, and the Internet, as well as the emergence of more tolerant social attitudes. – This is how WIKIPEDIA defines porn...

I don’t get why it’s so much of a big deal around here! I have a neutral view about the whole issue of pornography, I don’t believe its essential and yet I don’t despise it!

Initially I had an opinion like mostly all the girls do:-

“Pornography… Eeeeewwwwww!!”

“Please let’s not talk about it; it’s so dirty and disgusting”

“How can boys actually watch it??? How perverted can they be?”

I had an opinion that people who saw porn where not-the-good-types and all the decent guys where just too good for porn…

It changed gradually, when I realized that almost every single guy I knew and few girls (who still don’t commit it) were into porn, “the addiction” varied from person to person!

I have this really amazing guy friend, who is a genius and is equally good in sports, and when I came to know he’s into porn, I was in shock! “You watch porn?” I asked him,

“Yup, I do, so big deal” he replied. “God! How can you, it’s so pathetic!” I shot back

“C’mon yaar its natural, if a guy doesn’t watch porn, then there’s something wrong with him” he said coolly

My friend was going out with this guy who was totally into porn, I asked her,” you don’t mind this porno thing?” , she seemed surprised and said, “ no! Why? He is a guy and it’s kinda obvious and natural” so once again I got the same reply….

When I was 15, during a pajama party, one of my friends, announced excitedly; “I got hold of “that thing” somehow… let’s check it out”. And in went the c.d …. And 6 girls eagerly stared at the television screen…1 minute, 2 minute... 3 minute….. And I puked, I actually puked! Two of us, had the expression of” OMG! What is that!” one looked amused! And someone was thoughtful enough to turn it off (thank god)! Well that was it for me, porn is DISGUSTING!

Everyone is entitled to an opinion and for me it is “ugly” but “just because you don’t like something doesn’t mean its bad!” – This thing many people don’t seem to get! :-

Personally I am not a porn fan, yet I believe it’s natural and there isn’t anything dirty or wrong with someone who enjoys porn, unless that person is a “porn addict”, but then addiction to anything is equally bad!

I strongly feel it’s incorrect to judge a person solely on the fact that he/she watches porn!

Many, who aren’t into any kind of porn, believe that those who are, are “sex addicts” and (if I dare use the word) “horny”, perverted and dirty minded, and if given a chance can sexually assault anyone! Yes I would say it’s true for a respectable amount of porn viewers but definitely not all of them!

As for being perverted; god! Who isn’t!! You don’t need porn for that! And porn is not one of the major things which can make someone sexually assault a person not even close to it; a rapist doesn’t need porn to commit the sinful act!

In our country, “porn is like a slap on the face of our culture”, Many would defend the quoted statement by saying “India is the land of “Kamasutra” ”; however my knowledge tells me that Kamasutra is actually “erotica”- sex or love making depicted in artistic manner and which has some meaning behind it, and porn is just a series of sexual acts which doesn’t have make any sense what so ever apart from err love making (obviously)! And hence is considered obscene.

Okay, even though it’s obscene, is it killing our moral values? Or let’s say are we killing are values by watching it? But then the society we live in, ends up having problems with anything to everything, let it be porn, pre- marital sex, divorce, re-marriage, even the simplest such as a relationship between a boy and a girl is considered terrible and unnecessary, in fact even valentine’s day uff! , or I should say that the society basically has problems with things which are extremely personal and hence they should keep themselves from interfering in it. (We can definitely do better than people like Shiv Sainiks, who do nothing but create mayhem because of the most stupidest and superficial things!)

Anyway coming back to the topic; Some feel uncomfortable in excepting the fact that they enjoy porn, and in fact no one can actually say “I watch porn” comfortably out here! It is considered to be filthy and a disgrace, and yet everyone more or less believe/know it is a part of our “society”

Porn (just like examinations –daah!) have become a necessary evil (really?!) ;

It’s bad, shameful and obscene and yet it’s there, tempting and err good!

Two of my friends were caught by their parents with porno videos in their computer, the parents were shocked and sickened, but then, when it was time for the “pep talk”, they were at a loss of words, the reason(s) - they were uncomfortable and they couldn’t really pin point why it was bad!- because it actually isn’t !basically, the main concern of parents is that, they don’t want their children to be exposed to such sexual things( I couldn’t put in a better way than this) at the certain age or by certain means, and hence it’s not because the whole idea of pornography is terrible! “This is not the time for all this” surprisingly, that was all they had to say to their kids, after the incident!

Pornography is not “awful” and it doesn’t make people horny desperate beasts (not at least till some alarming or even noticeable extend), everything is into one’s hands, nothing should be allowed to go over the head!

It’s about self control; just like the way we control ourselves from eating too much junk food or too much television or from spending too much money!”

The fuss about pornography is unnecessary and it’s a bit too over hyped and it’s kept too much into wraps! It should be bought to surface and people should be free to give their opinion about it, I am not saying everyone should be in favor of porn, but a better understanding can lead to better opinions!

MOMMY AND I!

2007-05-08T20:46:00.000+09:00

Mom and I are worlds apart! We can never think on the same lines, and even if we ever do it’s surely due to some mistake, otherwise a miraculous coincidence!

“You never get me!” “I don’t understand you!” “What is it you want from me?” are the usual things I end up saying to my mom during the arguments we keep having regularly!

And my mom- “Do something about your messy hair”, “why are you always on phone/computer?”, “you can’t survive without the head phones can you?” ……. Ok ok mom!! I get you but it’s my life and this is the way I live and as long as I can pull my grades up at college can you please gimme a break from all this shouting and yelling!! Like really!! We both can do with a break!

I know getting good marks isn’t the only thing that mom is worried about, and that it’s important to be a good human but hey I think “ok” and mom, you can’t really expect me to be someone which I am not!

One night, in particular, things got ugly, mom and I had a terrible argument and we exchanged harsh words! She yelled at me about the type of friends I hang out with (just for the heck of it), my choice of activities and what not! I yelled back( not something which I am proud of though) , I was in a way challenging her parenting skills just the way she was challenging my temper ( which I have indeed inherited from her !). Finally I slammed the door shut to put an end to the whole issue ( temporarily) I just couldn’t sleep that night, I got up and penned down a poem for her, then got ready for college; all this while pretending what she doesn’t exist, just before leaving home, I quietly slipped the paper under her purse. The poem read:-

Wonder, to me,

Is the worst place to be?

Situations get complex,

You’re afraid what’s next,

Starting out fresh and brand new,

Stepping in another shoe

Wondering how you’ll turn out,

Having all sorts of doubts.

Turning over a new leaf,

Sometimes wanting to leave…sometimes do!

I guess I was being selfish when I wrote that, but then I wanted her so bad, I wanted to understand what I am going through, I wanted her to know what I was feeling and that I too have my share of troubles!

I was wondering what mom would do/say about the poem. Would she get what I am trying to convey???? Because she never does, will she this time?

All my questions were answered , when I found my poem lying on my desk and right underneath it was something scribbled in my mom’s handwriting – a poem:-

Wonder to me, is a good place to be

It helps you to think, it helps you to see

Life’s full of twists and turns will abound

But wonder and insight can guide you around

Explore what you may and fill up your mind

And hold in your heart the mysteries you find

Wonder is only saying you yearn

To know and select the things that you learn

And making a choice in which way you turn

The best path you take will always be right

‘Cause if you are wrong you CAN make it right

Each new step you can take when you listen and hear

Will give you more courage and freedom from fear

So wonder, my child, rid of your doubt,

And you will rejoice with how you turn out

And though you may fall and struggle too

Know that I’ve been there, and will always love you!

As I finished reading it, my eyes were filled with tears, I was stunned and I didn’t really expect this at all!

That evening she came back home from work, there were hugs and maybe a few more tears. It seemed that perhaps we had made some progress in narrowing the generation gap between us.

Days and months have passed. We still have the typical mother-daughter arguments, but with a special bond of respect and understanding for each other!

I LOVE YOU MOM!!

AND THANK YOU FOR SCOLDING ME (I need that, really!) AND LOVING ME AND GUILDING ME ALL THESE YEARS!

YOU BUG ME, IRRITATE ME AND FRUSTRATE ME, AND MAKE ME MAD!

BUT JUST BE THE WAY YOU ARE FOREVER AND ALWAYS

AS YOU KNOW I CAN’T DO WITHOUT YOU!

( hope after she reads this, she would hand over the XBox360 to the rightful owner .... me i.e!!)

~Thoughts and Visions~

KYA NAAM HAI

Levis Strauss vs Derrida: nature-culture debate

An auto journey

Listen........

re entry into the world of blogging!!

Of paths n walks

Ruptures

INTO THE MIST I SEE......

Time....

Caling myself....

MISSION TAG

Death.....

LIFE??? OK...... LEMME THINK

iDREAM.....

I'LL LET YOU INTO A SECRET.....!

IPOD FOR TAG!

BE KIND, REWIND!

Ramblings.....

SOMEDAY......

Repeating history again......

BACK TO TAG 2

BACK TO TAG -1

Wrong to be right or right to be wrong?

WHY IS IT SO?

DATA

TAG 6- Q & As

THE WEDDING RING

THE SAME OLD STUFF:-OF LOVE AND RELATIONSHIPS

MUZIKK, SEUZIK...... HAI RABBA....!

Theoretically hypothetical.Hypothetically theoretical; jACK N jILL

BITS FROM HOME AND AROUND THE WORLD!

THE SECRET OF HIMESH RESHAMMIYA'S POWER!

Friendship & SMS Relativity Theory

VENTING IT ALL OUT ~~ PART 3~~ SHIVSENA N ORKUT

VENTING IT ALL OUT ~~ PART 2 ~~ RUSHDIE!

VENTING IT ALL OUT ~~ PART 1~~ DU,ABVP & "DHARNA"

WHY R ANTS LYK US: NONSENSE AT IT'S BEST!

THE CHRONICLES OF KMC: the course, the crowd & “the players"

TAG #5 : HAVE YOU EVER????

DISTURBED,CHALLENGED,CONFUSED..... NO MORE!

OF UGLINESS ......

FAVORITE BOOK CHARACTERS ( TAG 4)

SOMEBODY LOVES YOU

ON THE FLIGHT TO GOA

PONDERING AWAY...

THE YOGA CLASS: WHAT NOT TO DO THERE

The TAGS #2 & #3

The TAG # 1

THE DARK SIDE OF COLOR

JUST A SMILE...

THE EXPLICIT EVIL..(not!) ~~ PORNO

MOMMY AND I!

VENTING IT ALL OUT PART 3 SHIVSENA N ORKUT

VENTING IT ALL OUT PART 2 RUSHDIE!

VENTING IT ALL OUT PART 1 DU,ABVP & "DHARNA"