THE SAME OLD STUFF:-OF LOVE AND RELATIONSHIPS

So it's been quite a while since I've written anything on here. I think I've said that before so I'm not going to make a follow-up joke about it because I have a feeling I'll be repeating myself. And if there's one rule I follow while writing, it is not repeating a joke. Another rule I follow is writing long unpunctuated sentences which have no real meaning and add nothing to the premise of what I intend to convey in the next few paragraphs which basically means I'm just fucking with anyone who is reading this right now. Sorry. .....

My friend and I were talking about relationships yesterday because we were excruciatingly bored and had no life whatsoever at the time. So I was telling her how you have to work at relationships, at least the serious ones. Everything does not just fall into place. Unless you're in a Hindi movie. And even there you have angry rich dads who do not think that your ability to sing songs in different voices, and dance in co-ordination with 30 guys you don't know behind you is impressive enough. Anyway she seemed to primarily catch onto the "relationships....at least the serious ones" part. Her inexplicable reply was, "But any relationship is a serious one...otherwise its a fling". After being momentarily shocked by her naivety, I told her it just does not work like that. It's not "Enter coin. Option 1 = relationship, Option 2 = fling. Please pick one." It's just not that simple. But I realized that I didn't properly explain to her why it isn't that simple. So now I'm gonna try and explain to her, and you, the different types of "relationships" one can go through (Remember there are no hard and fast rules to relationships, so you might not agree with most of this) :-


TYPE A - The Initiation

Okay this is generally one of your first relationships. Or relationships around the age 12-16. This is generally a beautiful experience where everything is all rosy and sweet. As it was happening, you would definitely call it a "serious relationship". At the time you might even call it love. But it wasn't, and you know that now because you've experienced so much more as far as relationships go. We have this tendency to think we are in love when we are not, primarily because most of us love the idea of being in love. Especially at that innocent age where we don't fully understand how ugly love can truly get. Yes, it can be beautiful when you experience it, but falling in "love" with every person you're with for more than a month is just not love. However sometimes the very first relationship can lead to true love. That's very rare though. Just a 16.7% likelihood of that happening. So what do we call this? It certainly wasn't a serious relationship and it wasnt a fling either. This is less a type of relationship and more a phase. This is "The Initiation".


TYPE B - The Teacher

No this is not some pornographic story arc I'm incorporating here. Not with the types of teachers we have. This is where you're still new to the whole world of dating. However you meet someone who knows a lot more than you. He/she has all the experience in the various facets of a relationship - physical, emotional, intangibles. So you let him/her pretty much take control, and you become the student and he/she is the teacher who you can occasionally abuse without worrying about detention. Type B normally does not last very long, but there is no way you can call it a fling. It just means so much more. Whoever has experienced Type B, will understand what I'm talking about. However the shorter this lasts the better, or else the control factor can get a bit much after a while.


TYPE C - The Fling
This is the simplest and least complicated of all forms of relationships. You both basically want each other for just two things - A good time with no strings attached and physical satisfaction. You're not required to constantly keep in touch and you're not supposed to care about the details of what the other is going through at that point of his/her life. Basically you have no responsibilities towards each other at all. This is the kind of relationship is the hot favorite among most of the guys. But even the fling has its pitfalls, because sometimes when you're havin a fling with someone, you discover that the person is actually quite likeable. This leads to confused feelings....and emotions. And once you start caring, it's not a fling anymore. Therefore try your best to get into a fling with someone not overly likeable. Like me. (DUh!)


TYPE D - The Friends With Benefits Okay this is a well known concept which has been played out in numerous different ways for centuries. It's considered to be a guys dream, and I totally understand why. But it's rarely, rarely ever that simple. It's very hard to find two people of the opposite sex, who want the exact same things from each other. More often than not, Type D starts off just great. Everything seems perfect. You're free to hook up with other people and yet you still always have your friend to talk to, and get it on with, depending on the mood. Sounds perfect doesn't it? But then it almost never lasts. Slowly the expectations from one side (and no it's not always the girl) increase leading to awkward situations, arguments and eventually the "I think we should just be friends because that meant a lot to me, and I'd never wanna ruin that" talk. Although sometimes Type D does lead to love, but only if there were prior such feelings in the first place. Lack of clarity from either or both of the participants is often the reason for the failure of Type D. Type D has another variety where you first hook up with someone, like him/her, but somehow never get serious and end up becoming friends with benefits. This is very rare but it can be much less complicated due to the lack of history between the two.


TYPE E - THE Relationship/ Love
Okay this is by far the most complicated, yet the simplest form of a relationship...sort of a paradox. One minute you'll feel like you two are the only people on earth and nothing outside of that matters, and the next you'll want to throw dangerous objects at each other. And I don't refer just to emotionally unstable people here. Love makes you emotionally unstable. But I guess that's the beauty of it. It's a place where you are never in total control but you trust each other enough to be absolutely comfortable with that. Now that was the complicated part. The simple part is the reason why you love the other person. You just do. You might have a number of reasons you could recite to him/her of why you love them(Refer to all teen movie endings where boy says how much he likes girls' eyes, smile, nails, armpit hair etc. in front of 1500 strangely attentive people), but at the end of the day its because...you just do. However, love can get very ugly because of the extremes in emotions, and the high expectations from one another. Not always are those expectations met and in this type of relationship, it just hurts a bit more. Some of the side effects of such relationships failing include purchase of large amounts of ice cream(Similar to munchies. Just not as funny), moping around, excessive whining, snappiness etc. On the other hand if it does work, it can be a beautiful, enlightening experience.


......Okay I think that's the gayest fucking paragraph I have ever written. I need to wash my face now.

There are many more types of relationships, but I feel a bit too much like Cosmopolitan right now to get into that.

Have a great day!