WHY R ANTS LYK US: NONSENSE AT IT'S BEST!

A couple of days ago I woke up in the middle of the night because my left eyelid was hurtin a lot. I convinced myself it was a result of sleeping in a weird position, and tried going back to sleep. I'm extremely lazy, so getting up and going to the mirror just to see my eye seemed like way too much work at 3 am.

But then it started to feel really weird and I tried opening my eyes. My right eye opened but my left eye did not cooperate. After fruitlessly tryin to get back to sleep again(it should've been easier considerin I had only one eye to close), I got up from my comfortable soft bed, switched the lights on and went to have a look in the mirror to see if something was wrong. My palms were now sweating profusely. Why was I nervous? Why did I have this feeling of dread inside me? As my right eye adjusted to the bright lights, I noticed that something was wrong. Something was very, very wrong. I could see through only one eye because....MY LEFT EYEBALL WAS MISSING.



Okay no that didn't happen. I just felt like writing something overdramatic. Sorry.


What I actually saw was a heavily swollen left eyelid. It took me a while to get used to the whole look but I ended up liking it. Maybe I was channelling the Jack Sparrow in me. But that is not the point of this story at all. The point is an insect did this to me. Now normally that would mean nothing, but this...this was personal. Personal because I let some of these ants and spiders chill in my room and made sure no one harmed them.

I thought I had an understanding with them, but just like that they had to fuck me over. You just had to didn't you? (Please excuse me while I directly address the ants, and pretend that they read blogs online). I took care of you, fed you leftovers, let you inhale passive smoke, played music for you(I even played britney spears for the gay ants) and still you just had to bite me. I let you into my life and you still just had to bite me. Well guess what...I should've expected it.

Last time a few ants were in my room and I thought to myself, "You know what...its okay. Its just a few and they seem like good ants." I even had a talk with most of the ants and the discussion went something like this :-

Me - Okay listen I could easily kill you right now with my little finger but I'm not going to. I think we can coexist without going to war. As long as you don't hurt me, I don't hurt you. Just dont take advantage of me. Deal?

Ants - .....

So for a few days all was good even though the queen ant was a bit of a bitch. I did my thing and they did theirs. Sometimes we even sang and danced along to "hit me baby one more time" together. I normally played Britney's part and they played the back up dancers. So one day after returnin from class with a dvd of the movie "Ants", I sat in front of my laptop and noticed something was different. Something was wrong. The wall where the ten or so ants resided now had approximately 216 ants. And on my plates there were more ants. They ate my food. And now they were calling out for my blood.

Why would they do this to me? I took good care of them and made sure they were happy. But they just took advantage of my hospitality. I took a deep breath and I did what I had to do. I killed them all. One by one....by one. I just had to. I didn't have any insecticides or pesticides, so I used my very own special insect war weapon - The Axe voodoo spray( now it's out in the open that i use men's deo!). Atleast they all died smelling good.

Anyway after I killed them and savoured the sweet scent of victory(and axe), I realized something. I was being hypocritical. I was a fuckin hypocrite, because these ants....they were just like us. Just like us Indians. You probably think I'm talking shit. You are probably right. But just think about this....the ants basically just thought my room was their home. Because I let them stay there and was hospitable towards them. The same way Indians have infiltrated so many countries. We weren't huge in number in every part of the world except Antarctica right from the beginning of time. It was a process.

UK has a very high percentage of Indians, but do you really think all the Indians just landed there on one night? Nope. Maybe initially 100-200 of them went. Just like the ants in my room. They were treated well. Just like the ants in my room. They were given food. Just like the ants in my room. And then they called their friends who called their friends and so on. Just....like....the.....ants.....in.....my......room.

There is a tiny difference here though. The same Axe that killed the ants, just makes us Indians smell better.

The world is an unfair place.



P.S. - I cannot believe I seriously tried to put forward this theory. I apologize to my patriotic and righteous indians.